It’s a family scenario more common than you might think: one adult child leans heavily on aging parents for support, while another sibling feels caught in the middle — frustrated, worried and responsible.
On a recent episode of The Dave Ramsey Show, a caller named Grant from Houston, Texas described just that. His 59-year-old brother had been relying on their parents for years, even as they reached their 80s. It was more than occasional help: His brother had two loans on his own home and had persuaded their elderly father to take out a home equity loan on his house to cover costs.
“He’s always been a mooch,” Ramsey co-host John Delony said bluntly. “He’s always going to be a mooch and so talking to him is futile. It’s a waste of time.”
The caller admitted he felt angry at his brother but also uneasy confronting him. He worried about seeming unfair or overstepping. And as someone who’d agreed to be co-power of attorney with his brother, he felt deeply uncomfortable being legally tied to decisions that risked draining their parents’ financial safety net.
The show’s advice was characteristically direct, but behind the blunt words was an important truth. The brothers’ parents who continue to bail out adult children well into middle age aren’t doing them any favors. Their core message: Sometimes real love means setting limits.
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The cost of lifelong financial support
Ramsey urged the caller to skip trying to reform his brother. He argued that after decades of relying on others, change was unlikely without real consequences. Instead, he encouraged the caller to focus on his parents — having the hard conversation they’d been avoiding. Ask about their financial plan, the decisions that could jeopardize their own security and whether it’s right to enable their son with support while seemingly shielding him from responsibility.
Half of all parents with children aged 18 and older provide regular financial assistance to their adult offspring, according to a 2025 Savings.com report. The average monthly support per adult child is $1,474, a roughly 6% increase from the previous year that totals nearly $18,000 annually. And often the support seems indefinite, with millennials up to age 44 getting significant help with rent, groceries, health insurance and mobile phone bills, the report found.
Rising housing costs, student debt and a challenging job market have made launching into adulthood genuinely more complicated. Many parents want to give their kids a leg up.
But when support goes on without clear expectations or end dates, a bridge becomes a crutch with real consequences. Parents who prioritize their adult children’s expenses over their own needs may sacrifice their retirement security. They may have to work longer, reduce their lifestyle in old age, or even rely on those same children later on.
Setting boundaries without breaking relationships
For families grappling with this dynamic, balancing compassion with self-preservation is crucial. It starts with open, sometimes uncomfortable conversations.
Parents need to be clear about what they can afford. Supporting an adult child isn’t automatically wrong, but it has to fit within a sustainable plan.
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Ramsey’s advice also touched on the tricky issue of power of attorney. The caller had agreed to share that responsibility with his brother, the very person he didn’t trust financially.
Ramsey warned that arrangement was a recipe for conflict. His suggestion? Don’t agree to something that makes you an accomplice to a bad plan. “You’re not helping them [by joining with the brother as power of attorney],” Dave Ramsey told the caller. “You’re just another enabler in this story.”
Having the hard conversations
And what about talking to the dependent sibling? That can be even harder. Ramsey acknowledged the emotional messiness here. The caller loved his brother but felt disrespected by his choices.
Ramsey advised viewing the brother with clear eyes — not demonizing him, but recognizing his struggles. He even suggested that in person, the caller might say, "I know that Dad’s propping you up and keeping you going. I don’t like it but I’m not involved.”
That’s the tension many families face: wanting to help but needing to be honest about limits. Enabling is easy in the short term because it avoids conflict and guilt. But in the long run, it can create dependency and resentment that damages families even more.
Parents who want to avoid this trap can start by setting clear expectations. Define what support looks like, how long it lasts and what steps the adult child will take to regain independence.
Talk openly about their own financial needs, including retirement plans and medical costs.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
