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I’m 32 and my single mom stressed over money my whole life. But now that I’ve found some success, she says that I ‘owe’ her for all the sacrifices she made — is she right?

If your parents were to ask you for money, you may feel conflicted or even guilty, but you’re not alone.

Take the case of Sam. She grew up in a single-parent household with her mom, who didn’t make a lot of money. Bills were a constant source of stress and watching her mom struggle made Sam determined to find a good career and gain the financial stability that she lacked in childhood.

Now at 32, Sam feels ready to save for her future, which includes a down payment on a house with her partner and having children. She is in a good place financially, but doesn’t have a lot left in her budget at the end of the month. Her mother has recently demanded that Sam pay her $400 car loan each month, which left her shocked.

Sam supported herself through college and never asked her mother for money. While she has always appreciated the sacrifices her mother made, she has spent most of her adult life trying to break free from a cycle of poverty. So what can Sam do to establish boundaries with her mother and what does she owe her parent?

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Supporting your parents financially

When you’re faced with a request (or a demand) for money from your parents, it can be challenging to know where to draw the line. It can feel like a choice between damaging your relationship or damaging your bank account.

There’s no one-size-fits-all advice available either, as factors such as cultural expectations, whether or not the request is an emergency or one-off and how financially responsible your parents are in general will all play into your decision making.

First, try to distance yourself from the emotional pressure. Gain an outsider’s perspective by speaking with your partner, a trusted friend, therapist and even a financial advisor, if the loan is large enough to warrant that. Their advice can help you to see the issue more objectively and make better sense of your duty in this situation.

Also, remember that parenting is a one-way commitment. When you become a parent, you make a promise to raise your child the best way you can, with no expectation that your work will be repaid. If your parents pressure you by calling you selfish or ungrateful, or saying that you owe them, remember that this is not true.

When you’ve managed to put some of the stress of their request and pressure aside, you can start to think about how realistic it is for you to help. Would you be able to give this money to a friend if they were in need of it? Consider not only how much money your parents are asking for, but also whether you can reasonably afford it without jeopardizing your financial commitments. You may feel that a one-time offer to help is doable, but you might also want to consider whether this will open the door to other requests for help in the future.

Read more: Want an extra $1,300,000 when you retire? Dave Ramsey says this 7-step plan ‘works every single time’ to kill debt, get rich in America — and that ‘anyone’ can do it

How to handle tough conversations with your parents about money

Speaking with The Muse, Silvia Dutchevici, a psychotherapist, president and founder of the Critical Therapy Institute, said, “Emotions around parents asking for money are deeply tied to the values one has learned while growing up.” She advises adult children to ask themselves, “What emotions are hidden or unprocessed around money? Did we grow up believing it is our responsibility to help our parents? Or did we grow up believing everyone should be responsible for themselves financially?”

When you’re ready to address issues of money with your parents, here are some talking points to consider:

Set clear boundaries

If you’re able to help your parents, specify what that help will be, whether it’s a one-off or a regular gift. If you decide to lend your parents money, be clear about the terms for the loan, such as a payback schedule and whether confirmation is required in writing.

David Kindness, CPA, says to The Muse, “I’d advise against giving money if it’s becoming a regular occurrence or if your parents have a history of poor financial management.” He notes that giving money to a parent who is irresponsible with money can enable negative behavior and set up an expectation of future dependence.

Offer other ways to help

If you have a parent who struggles with money, providing alternative forms of help can be a more gentle way to establish a boundary. Consider offering your time by helping them draw up a budget, researching financial assistance programs and other community benefit programs that can help them rein in their spending, if that’s an issue.

This can be a way to show you care without committing yourself to financial support that you can’t afford.

Be prepared to say no

As you discuss money with your parents, they may become emotional or demand more money than you can afford. It can be challenging to say no to your parents or any family member, but you must prioritize your own needs first and the needs of your children — if you have them. In other words, you must have your own oxygen mask on first before sharing it with others. Gently explain that you want to be able to move forward without resentment and any loan or gift that could not be paid back would be both emotionally and financially damaging for you.

Finally, if you’re helping your parents with a substantial gift, remember that it must be reported on your taxes, although it’s unlikely to be taxed. As of 2025, the gift tax exemption is $19,000. If you give more than that in a year, you’ll need to report the gift to the IRS.