Imagine this scenario: Christine is in her 70s and needs to revise her will. The last time she looked at the document, her husband was still alive and their three children were toddlers. A lot has changed since then — she’s now widowed and has three adult children.
Her estate includes a house and car, as well as her savings and investment assets. She also has a number of collectibles.
While Christine plans to split her assets evenly, she isn’t sure which child to choose as executor without offending the others. She’s thought about making them co-executors, but that comes with challenges, too.
While she considers all of her children to be smart and capable, she doesn’t want to appear like she’s favoring one child over the other.
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Choosing an executor
An executor is a person named in a will who is appointed to carry out the wishes of the person who makes the will (the testator). That task includes managing the estate’s assets, paying off any outstanding debts (including taxes) and distributing assets among the heirs.
An executor doesn’t have to be a family member. While every state has its own rules, a friend or even a professional acquaintance can be your executor, so long as they’re at least 18 years old, a U.S. citizen and haven’t been convicted of a felony. If an executor isn’t named in the will, the court can appoint someone to carry out the instructions in the will.
While choosing an executor can be a tough decision, it’s advisable to make a decision based on practicalities rather than emotion. While Christine is thinking about “fairness,” a better approach may be thinking about who is best equipped to handle the responsibilities.
Here are a few practical questions to help Christine — and others in her situation — decide who’s best suited for the role.
- Who is most financially literate or has experience with legal or business matters?
- Who lives nearby and can easily access the property and local courts?
- Who has the time and willingness to take on the responsibility?
- Who stays calm under pressure and handles stressful situations well?
- Who is organized and good at following up on paperwork and deadlines?
- Does this person have a good relationship with the other heirs?
The executor will also need to contact various agencies including the Social Security Administration (to stop any benefits) and the IRS (to file the deceased’s final income tax return). And they have to oversee the management of any cash, stocks, bonds and real estate.
It’s also possible to hire an executor if your children aren’t keen (or able) to take on the role, though that comes at a cost.
What about co-executors?
It’s possible to have more than one executor, and in some cases it could make sense.
Anthony J. Enea, a managing partner at law firm Enea, Scanlan & Sirignano LLP, recommends that, if you have more than one child and you’re selecting an executor, trustee or agent of power of attorney, “it is wise to select two children (if possible) so as to create an inherent system of checks and balances and avoid the possibility of one person being vested with too much power and authority.”
It also means one child doesn’t have to shoulder all of the responsibility that comes with the role.
“If offending and/or hurting a child’s feelings is an important issue, then perhaps selecting co-executors, co-trustees and co-agents under a POA will be the solution,” says Enea.
Co-executors may be a good idea if:
- They have a strong, cooperative relationship
- They live close to one another
- They have complementary skills (e.g., one is local, one is financially savvy)
- They’re both willing to share the responsibility and workload
- Co-executors don’t make sense in every situation. If there are conflicts between siblings about the estate or one co-executor feels he or she is doing most of the work, that could cause delays in the sale of assets or distribution of funds. Major conflicts could even lead to legal disputes.
If you’re thinking about co-executors, you’ll want to consider how well they get along, if they live close together and if they’re equally competent and communicative.
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How to have the conversation
While estate planning can be an uncomfortable conversation for many families, open communication is one of the best ways to prevent conflict down the road. Don’t spring it on your kids; make sure they know what this meeting is about so they can mentally prepare.
Here’s what Christine should consider discussing:
- Where to find the will and other important documents
- Contact info for her lawyer, financial advisor, and insurance agent
- General details about how the estate will be divided
- Who gets specific items (like collectibles, the car, or family heirlooms)
- Who she’s thinking of naming as executor — or ask who would be willing to take on the role
She doesn’t have to disclose exact dollar amounts, but a rough idea of what her children might inherit could help with their own financial planning.
This is also a good time to discuss who she’s chosen as executor or have a conversation about which child (or children) would be willing and able to take on the role. Not all children want to be executor, so you’ll want to have their consent first. The role comes with a lot of responsibility and can eat up a lot of time; it can also be emotionally draining.
Open communication early on can help prevent resentment down the road, while ensuring that your wishes will be met.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
