Jenn from Seattle had long felt something was off with the joint finances she shared with her husband. But things came to a head when he withdrew around $4,000 from their shared account and surprised her with an unexpected and costly anniversary gift: a cabin cruiser boat.
That prompted her to dig deeper. What she found was even more concerning: a stash of $15,000 in cash hidden in his closet. When she confronted him, he didn’t seem to think it was a big deal.
“He said, ‘I thought I was doing something good. I put money away,” Jenn told Dave Ramsey on The Ramsey Show.
Ramsey and co-host Dr. John Delony didn’t find his behavior acceptable — and they didn’t hold back.
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What Jenn discovered, and how Ramsey responded
Jenn explained that her concerns began about three years ago, after their 20th anniversary. Her husband withdrew a large sum from their joint account, and she later discovered it went toward buying a boat, a gift she hadn’t asked for, with monthly payments she hadn’t agreed to.
From there, Jenn noticed the joint account never grew. Her suspicions led her to the $15,000 hidden “closet cash” stash.
Jenn said the money secrecy felt deceptive, especially given other problems in their relationship, including her husband’s struggle with alcohol.
Delony cut to the emotional core: “The biggest issue here is that you don’t believe his answer,” said Delony.
Ramsey pointed out that money isn’t really the only problem — it’s the lack of trust and transparency in their relationship:
“He feels nagged about the alcohol. He feels nagged… and he thinks you spend too much, and so he squirreled money away,” said Dave Ramsey.
Ramsey urged the couple to seek marriage counseling, and, if they are going to move forward, to make a plan and stick to it:
“You’re going to have one freaking account and both of you are going to do one budget and you’re both going to be in agreement on everything that goes out of this house,” said Ramsey.
Read more: Want an extra $1,300,000 when you retire? Dave Ramsey says this 7-step plan ‘works every single time’ to kill debt, get rich in America — and that ‘anyone’ can do it
Root causes of financial infidelity
Financial infidelity is when one partner lies about or hides financial information from the other. It can take many forms: secret bank accounts, hidden cash, undisclosed debt or large purchases made without consent.
And it’s more common than you might think. According to a recent survey by Bankrate, 42% of U.S. adults who are married or living with a partner have kept a financial secret from their significant other.
Common reasons behind financial infidelity include:
- Fear of judgment: Avoiding criticism about spending or financial mistakes
- Control or power struggles: Using money as a form of dominance in the relationship
- Past financial trauma: Trying to feel secure by secretly saving or hoarding money
- Breakdown in communication: Avoiding hard conversations by simply hiding the truth
What to do if it happens to you
If you discover financial secrets in your relationship, don’t panic, but take action.
- Get the full financial picture: Request access to all shared accounts, liabilities, and assets.
- Initiate a calm but direct conversation: Ask open-ended questions like, “Can you walk me through why you made these financial choices?”
- Work through the breach: Depending on the severity, consider working with a financial advisor, mediator or couples therapist.
- Make a shared plan moving forward: Create a joint budget, agree to full financial transparency, set regular check-ins to review finances together and if needed, protect yourself: If trust is irreparable, consult a lawyer or financial expert to separate accounts and start fresh.
Jenn’s story is an extreme example, but it’s one that resonated with many listeners. As Ramsey pointed out, it’s not just about the $15,000 or the boat, it’s about trust. Whether the relationship survives or not, the first step is acknowledging the truth and deciding whether you’re both willing to rebuild, financially and emotionally.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
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