When Amanda from Tampa found herself in a tough spot after her car broke down following a hurricane evacuation, she didn’t want to ask for financial help — but her parents stepped in to help anyway.
However, what she didn’t know at the time was that their “help” came in the form of a $30,000 home equity line of credit (HELOC), with $11,500 of that unofficially tied to her.
“My parents ended up helping out,” Amanda explained on a recent episode of The Ramsey Show.
“What they ended up doing was taking out a HELOC on their house to cover [my car] and a few other things. I wasn’t aware of this until afterwards. But they’re the kind of people where strings are attached.”
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Her father coordinated the repair with a mechanic friend and paid him directly. She never saw the money — or the full terms — but soon found herself repaying $300 a month.
Family help turns into dilemma
Even more troubling, Amanda did not know the terms of the loan. She only discovered the full HELOC amount by accident.
“I saw a receipt sitting on a table that I shouldn’t have.” she recalled.
The details raised immediate red flags for cohosts Jade Warshaw and John Delony.
“I think they wanted to take out a HELOC, and I think you gave them a good excuse to do it,” Warshaw said.
“And I think I would treat this like the IRS — put [it] at the very top and pay it off as fast as humanly possible,” Deloney chimed in.
Amanda, a single mom who said she’s recovering from a difficult marriage and job loss, told the cohosts that she was just starting to get back on her feet when the surprise debt surfaced.
“I was in a bad place because I had no income and I have a three-year-old,” she said.
Though Delony initially advised her to prioritize the HELOC like an IRS debt, Warshaw quickly reversed course once the full story came to light.
“Go in the Baby Steps order,” she said, urging Amanda to treat the repayment like any other debt in her ‘snowball’ — and not to let her parents’ emotional pressure override her financial plan.
“If they put strings on there, that’s on them,” she said.
Warshaw advised Amanda to tell her dad, “I’m going to pay you back this $11,500. I’m not going to pay it back at 8% interest because I would not have told you to go into debt to do this if you had asked me.”
Read more: Want an extra $1,300,000 when you retire? Dave Ramsey says this 7-step plan ‘works every single time’ to kill debt, get rich in America — and that ‘anyone’ can do it
When financial ‘help’ causes more harm than good
Amanda’s story highlights a difficult dynamic that many families face: when help is offered without it being asked for — and comes with strings attached.
Unsolicited financial assistance, especially when paired with vague terms or expectations, can undermine autonomy, strain relationships and create a sense of obligation where there was never a request.
Here are a few healthier alternatives to navigate family financial support:
Ask before offering. Before jumping in to “fix” a situation, ask the person if they want help — and what that help should look like. This respects their own agency and opens the door to collaborative problem-solving.
Offer choices, not ultimatums. Instead of saying, “We’ll take care of it,” families can present options. “We can offer you a loan, or we can help you find a used vehicle. What feels best for you?”
Use gifts, not loans. If you can afford to help, consider offering money as a gift rather than a loan. This removes a possible power dynamic and might help avoid resentment down the road — especially when repayment isn’t clearly defined.
Set clear terms in writing. If a loan is necessary, put the details in writing. Include repayment terms, interest (must be charged for loans over $10,000) and what happens in case of late or missed payments. Clarity helps everyone feel secure.
Respect boundaries. Once the decision has been made, back off. Don’t use past help as leverage or a tool for guilt. Financial support should never be weaponized.
Ultimately, helping a loved one should build trust — not debt.
“You help your kid by buying a $1,500 used Camry with 300K miles,” Deloney said. “You don’t take out an $11K loan at 8% and haggle your single-mom daughter.”
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
