Picture this: you’ve just sat down at a restaurant with five of your closest friends. The group has decided to split the bill, and even though you’re on a budget and just want to order your own meal, you agree to contribute your share to the bill.
But then the rest of the group decides to order wine and appetizers for the table, which means you’ll have to pitch in for food and wine that you didn’t want to spend money on. And since you don’t want anyone to accuse you of being a party pooper, you decide to keep quiet and just pay what you owe.
Trending Now
- Thanks to Jeff Bezos, you can now become a landlord for as little as $100 — and no, you don’t have to deal with tenants or fix freezers. Here’s how
- I’m 49 years old and have nothing saved for retirement — what should I do? Don’t panic. Here are 6 of the easiest ways you can catch up (and fast)
- Dave Ramsey warns nearly 50% of Americans are making 1 big Social Security mistake — here’s what it is and 3 simple steps to fix it ASAP
In her column for The Washington Post, Michelle Singletary highlights an important issue with social gatherings: when you let social graces override your money rules, you risk sliding into unintended debt [1]. A financial fence, she argues, isn’t stinginess. It’s empowerment.
“There are moments when our resolve to stick to a financial rule dissolves under the weight of social pressure,” Singletary wrote.
Agreeing to pay for things that you don’t necessarily want isn’t the only financial drawback with social situations. It’s not uncommon to find yourself paying for friends or family who agree to pay you back, and if they end up forgetting all about it, you quickly become the debt collector of your group.
With group dining up 8% year-over-year as of 2024 [2], going out for dinner with friends and family is on the rise. Here’s how you can navigate these social situations gracefully without coming up short financially.
Peer pressure can be a savings killer
The social pressure of not wanting to look cheap can often override one’s spending standards. Whether it’s buying a round of drinks or agreeing to go on that expensive vacation with your friends, these decisions can quietly chip away at your finances and your future goals.
According to Bread Financial, nearly 65% of Americans admit they’ve spent over their budget on social outings [3]. Peer pressure plays a big role, with 34% saying they’ve splurged on experiences because of social influence, while another 23% justify overspending as the price of keeping relationships alive.
Examples from the real world show just how messy money matters can get with social situations. In 2024, Eater.com published a letter from a reader who said she brought a bottle of wine to a friend’s place for dinner, only to receive a $20 Venmo request for groceries from the host at the end of the evening [4].
In another case highlighted by The New York Post, a woman went on a date with someone who appeared to be okay with paying for burgers and fries for the pair to split. However, the next day she received a request for her half of the fries — $3.25 [5].
These scenarios highlight the unexpected awkwardness that payment apps can sometimes create in social situations. Requesting a questionable reimbursement is now easier than ever, and the awkwardness that we may have felt in the past — when we had to ask for $3.25 for french fries in person or over the phone — can be reduced a fair bit by having an app request the money on our behalf.
Read more: Here are 5 ‘must have’ items that Americans (almost) always overpay for — and very quickly regret. How many are hurting you?
How to set your financial boundaries
If this all sounds familiar to you, it’s time to build yourself a financial fence. Here are some rock-solid strategies to keep social situations from ruining your budget.
- Say no gracefully: You can be honest about your situation while still being thankful for being included. Practice some easy ways to assert yourself respectfully, like saying, “Hey, I’d prefer to just pay for myself tonight instead of splitting the bill.”
- Set expectations: Before you sit down at the table, let everyone know your preferences instead of waiting for when it’s time to pay. This can potentially stop the awkwardness before it starts
- Don’t be afraid to ask: If you’ve paid for someone and you’re waiting for them to pay you back, a follow-up text with a gentle reminder like “Hey, just sending a quick message to remind you about last night’s bill” can work well
- Offer alternatives: Suggest activities that don’t stretch your wallet, like a potluck dinner at your house instead of going out to a restaurant
And remember, you’re not being cheap, you’re being intentional. Relying on social cues to navigate your spending can leave you footing the bill or spending more than you would have liked. By communicating early and setting boundaries, you can enjoy a fun social life and still keep your financial future on track.
What to read next
- Robert Kiyosaki warns of a ‘Greater Depression’ coming to the US — with millions of Americans going poor. But he says these 2 ‘easy-money’ assets will bring in ‘great wealth’. How to get in now
- The ultrarich monopoly on prime US real estate is over — use these 5 golden keys to unlock passive rental income now (with as little as $10)
- This tiny hot Costco item has skyrocketed 74% in price in under 2 years — but now the retail giant is restricting purchase. Here’s how to buy the coveted asset in bulk
- Want an extra $1,300,000 when you retire? Dave Ramsey says this 7-step plan ‘works every single time’ to kill debt, get rich in America — and that ‘anyone’ can do it
Stay in the know. Join 200,000+ readers and get the best of Moneywise sent straight to your inbox every week for free. Subscribe now.
Article sources
At Moneywise, we consider it our responsibility to produce accurate and trustworthy content people can rely on to inform their financial decisions. We rely on vetted sources such as government data, financial records and expert interviews and highlight credible third-party reporting when appropriate.
We are committed to transparency and accountability, correcting errors openly and adhering to the best practices of the journalism industry. For more details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
[1]. The Washington Post. “5 couples go to dinner. And yes, how the bill gets settled matters”
[2]. OpenTable. “How private dining can work for any restaurant”
[3]. Bread Financial. “From friends to foes: money ruins 1 in 5 friendships”
[4]. Eater. “Is It Ever Okay to Ask Your Dinner Party Guests to Venmo You?”
[5]. New York Post. “My date sent me a Venmo request for a ridiculous amount of money — I can’t believe how petty it was”
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
Related Posts
