What do you do when your 19-year-old stepson aims no higher than a part-time Walmart job, dropped out of college and blows through cash while living at home?
One Texas mom in this situation called into The Ramsey Show to get advice. [1]
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She admitted she not only covered his food and board at home but his financial shortfalls when he blows money on things like meals out.
Meanwhile, he isn’t saving any money. He spends every check he earns from his $14/hour Walmart gig and blows through investment dividends he gets every quarter.
Her strategy was to incentivize responsibility by dangling financial support, but she wasn’t sure it was working.
Dave Ramsey and his co-host John Delony said she was incentivizing the opposite behavior.
“What he’s doing, his behavior makes perfect sense in his world,” Delony said. “He gets checks that fall from the sky every quarter. He has no rent.
“And he has a mom and dad that said, ‘You have to get a job.’ And he goes, ‘OK, I’ll work six hours a week.’ And y’all pay his cellphone, you pay his insurance, you pay for everything.’”
The caller’s situation is hardly unique. A 2025 CNBC report found half of U.S. parents are financially supporting their adult children, with an average spend of nearly $1,400 a month. [2]
Rising rents, student debt and higher living costs make it tough for young adults to stand on their own. But so does enabling behavior.
The Ramsey playbook: boundaries, not bailouts
Ramsey and Delony said the boy needs accountability, not subsidies. Their advice centered on tough conversations and firm boundaries.
They urged her to kick him out — for his own good — giving him a one-month to two-month heads up. They warned that she and her husband would have to prepare for the blowback.
Read more: How much cash do you plan to keep on hand after you retire? Here are 3 of the biggest reasons you’ll need a substantial stash of savings in retirement
She feared he’d just go to live with his mother. Ramsey said that was fine but that she needed to focus on her own enabling behavior that kept him from growing up.
He gave the example of mother eagles that build their nests with thorny branches and pad them with soft material for eaglets, but may gradually remove padding as their eaglets grow up. Eagle mothers may also withhold food — encouraging their offspring to fly and find food for themselves. [3]
Ramsey and Delony argued that a parent’s job at this stage is not to hand out money, but to hand over responsibility.
Covering basic needs while a child pursues education or job training can be healthy. Covering concert tickets, gadgets and late-night takeout? That’s enabling. Over time, it can rob young adults of the motivation to manage their own finances.
Experts like psychologist and author Jeffrey Bernstein agree. In a Psychology Today article, he wrote that setting clear boundaries around money is essential if you want your adult child to develop financial responsibility. [4]
“Without boundaries, the risk of becoming your child’s economic safety net is high, which can foster dependence instead of resilience,” he wrote.
“Make it clear that while you’re willing to help in specific ways, your child must also take steps toward financial independence.”
How to help without enabling
So how can parents walk the line? Consider some guiding principles.
1. Outline the limits of your support. Spell out what help you’re willing to give, whether it’s housing, food or temporary bill coverage, and attach conditions such as job-hunting or saving progress.
2. Ensure there is a time limit to your support. Define an end date or goal so the support doesn’t become indefinite.
3. Never give more than you can afford to lose. Resentment can build quickly when financial help hurts the giver’s own stability.
Parents can also offer structure without cash. Help your child create a budget, review pay stubs, or set up automatic transfers to savings.
Providing financial education and accountability tools often does more good than writing another check.
These lessons are easier when taught early. A simple allowance system, saving jars, or discussions about wants versus needs can plant the seeds of responsibility.
As teens take jobs, parents can help them open checking accounts, set savings goals and understand the cost of credit.
By adulthood, the basics should feel routine: Spend less than you earn, save first, avoid debt.
Without that foundation, young adults stumble — and parents get dragged into the cleanup.
Article sources
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[1]. The Ramsey Show “"I’m Not Going To Argue With You About This Anymore"
[2]. CNBC “Amid inflation, nearly half of parents financially support their adult children, but ‘it has to go both ways,’ economist warns”
[3]. Loudon Wildlife Conservatory “Bald Eagle Behavior: Branching”
[4]. Psychology Today “Helping Your Adult Child With Finances Without Enabling”
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