When Kathy, a longtime Arizona health-care worker, befriended one of her elderly patients more than two decades ago, she never imagined their friendship would lead to a moral and legal quandary over an inheritance.
Now her 92-year-old friend — a widow with an adult son and daughter — has revised her will to leave everything to her son, but named Kathy second in line to inherit if her son dies first.
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That’s because Kathy’s friend is estranged from her daughter; they haven’t spoken in 15 years.
She hasn’t told either of her adult children about the change.
Kathy wrote into The Ramsey Show for advice, fearing her friend’s daughter might come after her legally. (1)
“I feel like I’m getting in the middle of family drama,” she wrote.
“You are in the middle of family drama,” Dave Ramsey replied. “The drama’s already here. The only question is how much.”
Lack of communication increases conflict over wills
Ramsey advised Kathy to tell her 92-year-old friend that she’ll only accept the potential inheritance if the older woman tells both of her children about changes to the will.
“Which would involve her talking to her daughter that she hadn’t talked to in 15 years,” he said, noting that Kathy’s friend is clearly not comfortable with conflict.
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Ramsey said that even though Kathy has done nothing wrong ethically or legally, a lawsuit could still arise.
“In America, you can sue anyone for anything,” he warned.
Should the amount of money influence what Kathy decides to do? Ramsey says the more money involved, the more chaos to expect.
“If she’s leaving you $62 and her snow globes, the daughter’s going to go,‘Good luck with that, mom.’” he joked. “If it’s $20 million, the daughter is going to be going into medical ethics and dreaming up anything else she can dream up.”
Ultimately, Kathy must weigh whether claiming the inheritance is worth the emotional toll of a conflict with her friend’s daughter. Even modest estates can fracture families when communication is missing.
Can you decline an inheritance?
Kathy doesn’t have to accept the bequest. In fact, many heirs choose to disclaim an inheritance.
This is a formal process that passes assets to the next beneficiary listed in the will. Disclaimers must be filed in writing within nine months of the benefactor’s death.
Once signed, they’re irrevocable, meaning the person forfeits all rights to the inheritance. As Trust & Will reports, some people decline their inheritance to avoid tax complications, to give the money to a sibling, or because they do not need it. (2)
Ironically, many Americans avoid these conflicts by avoiding wills entirely — though that can create its own headaches.
According to a 2024 Caring.com survey, only about 32% of U.S. adults have a will or living trust. The main reason is not having “enough assets” to pass on to heirs. (3)
But surviving loved ones may be vulnerable to confusion, resentment and litigation if there’s no will.
Kathy can take steps to protect herself even before her friend passes.
A good tip is to consult an estate attorney who would ensure the will’s legality and give her peace of mind if the daughter contests it later. (4)
Still, Ramsey’s warning lingers.
“Drama has announced itself,” he said. “It’s got an engraved invitation to the party.”
Article sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
The Ramsey Show (1); Trust&Will (2); Caring.com (3); Brilliant Law (4)
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