Is it fair to cut a child out of your will if you don’t agree with the life decisions they’re making?
Michael — a Georgia-based man who has an adult son and daughter — and his wife are grappling with that very question. Michael’s existing will stipulates that both children inherit equal amounts. But now he’s not sure if that’s the right move.
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He called into The Ramsey Show for advice. (1)
"My son has a history of blowing money, and we stopped helping years ago," he told Dave Ramsey and co-host John Delony.
"He’s in a lifestyle and relationship that we don’t agree with. The question is really simple: Is it appropriate to change the will where one adult child is the beneficiary of a decreased amount?"
"Yes, it’s totally appropriate," Ramsey responded immediately.
But Ramsey also placed some important conditions on his advice. Here’s what he had to say.
Should you disinherit one child because of their life choices?
Ramsey said that changing the will is the right thing ethically.
“If you don’t change your will in this situation, you’re supporting things you don’t agree with when you die,” he said.
Read more: How much cash do you plan to keep on hand after you retire? Here are 3 of the biggest reasons you’ll need a substantial stash of savings in retirement
He gave the extreme example of a parent leaving money to a child with a heroin addiction, producing a "well-financed heroin addict" who might then overdose and die.
But Ramsey added two caveats to his advice.
He and Delony insisted that Michael have an honest conversation with his son about the decision.
“If you’re going to piss somebody off with your will, do it while you’re alive,” Ramsey said.
Delony said “blowback” will be inevitable, but that being open about the change to the will is the only fair thing to do.
He explained that concealing the truth would lead to a nasty surprise upon Michael’s death, and the son might resent his sister, who had no part in the decision.
Ramsey said Michael must make it clear not only that the decision was his alone, but that he still loved him and that nothing his son does could make Michael or his wife love him any less.
He suggested wording things directly, saying something like:
"You know we are not aligned on these things. You know we love you anyway. You also need to know that we don’t feel right about leaving money to finance things that we’re not aligned on.”
Coping with inheritance issues when you have a child you don’t trust with money
The situation that Michael finds himself in is not uncommon. Marina Modlin, an estate-planning lawyer in California, told Reuters that as many as 30% of her clients choose to disinherit a family member. (2)
But there are other options available to parents in this situation.
For example, Michael and his wife could create a trust, transfer funds into it and name their son as the beneficiary, choosing a trustee to take charge of managing and doling out the money.
They could add specific conditions on the trust, like specifying that the money can only be used for very limited things.
While this approach requires a little more effort in making an estate plan, it could also be a far better option than just leaving out a child since it provides the chance to give money in a way that isn’t contrary to your beliefs and doesn’t put the money at risk.
Ultimately, it is up to every person what to do with an inheritance, and if Michael doesn’t want to leave money to his son, as Ramsey said, there is nothing wrong with disinheriting him in order to avoid funding values he disagrees with.
Article sources
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The Ramsey Show (1); Reuters (2)
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