Financial infidelity might sound like a problem reserved for long-term relationships, but the truth is it can happen at any stage — even before you say “I do.”
Imagine the case of Ren. He and Akari got married three months ago and just finished combining their finances. That’s when Ren discovered Akari was keeping a big secret: she has $65,000 in credit card debt spread across eight cards — more than her $55,000 annual income.
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Ren feels betrayed, but he wants to stay focused on a solution. As they work out how to pay down the debt, he also has questions: Is he equally responsible for Akari’s debt now? And will her financial history affect his credit score?
Here’s what to know if you find yourself in a similar situation — and how to build financial transparency in your relationship.
What happens when you combine finances?
Pooling finances is often one of the first big steps couples take. In Ren’s case, he can assure himself that Akari’s bad credit score won’t impact his own. (1) Credit bureaus don’t track marital status, and his credit score will always be separate from hers.
Where it gets tricky is when couples apply for joint loans — a mortgage, a car loan or any other credit product. Lenders look at the couple’s finances as a unit. Akari’s high debt-to-income ratio could raise a red flag and lead to rejection.
They should also be aware that any activity in their new joint accounts, including missed payments, will impact both their credit scores going forward. (2)
Akari’s existing debts are hers alone, even if Ren wants to help pay them down. He should avoid adding his name to any of Akari’s existing cards, since doing so could impact his credit going forward. As long as the cards stay in her name only, her debt won’t affect him directly.
If Akari were to die, Ren wouldn’t automatically be responsible for the debt unless state law decrees otherwise. (3) Her estate, including funds from joint accounts that legally belong to her, would be used to pay it off. If the estate can’t cover the balance, the debt typically goes unpaid.
Read more: Want an extra $1,300,000 when you retire? Dave Ramsey says this 7-step plan ‘works every single time’ to kill debt, get rich in America — and that ‘anyone’ can do it
Why it’s important to be honest about money
About one in three Americans in relationships say money is a source of conflict, according to Ipsos. (4) Financial expert Rachel Cruze notes that money is the second most common reason for divorce. (5)
That’s why it’s so important for couples to be open about their finances — the good, the bad and the ugly — before combining their bank accounts. Beyond hurt feelings, secrecy can create serious financial strain.
If one partner’s spending habits or debt load threatens your shared goals or ability to make ends meet, resentment and stress can quickly follow. Being upfront helps you plan together — and avoid financial surprises that can shake trust.
Financial compatibility matters
A healthy marriage depends on several types of compatibility, and financial compatibility is one of the most important. To get on the same page, couples should discuss: (6)
- Income, monthly expenses, debt and savings
- Retirement plans and ideas for how they want to spend that stage of life
- Short- and medium-term financial goals
- Attitudes toward money and how they were shaped growing up
- Investment preferences and risk tolerance
- Past financial mistakes
These conversations help couples understand each other’s values and create a shared plan for the future.
How to protect your finances from a spouse’s debt
Cruze recommends couples recovering from financial infidelity work with a professional marriage counsellor to address the emotional side of secrecy. (7) In the meantime, there are practical ways to protect your money:
- Create a budget together. Focus on paying down the highest-interest debt first — often the smartest move when credit cards are involved.
- Delay opening joint accounts. Ren should keep his name off Akari’s credit cards to protect his credit score and shield himself from liability if something happens to her. (8)
- Talk regularly. Schedule monthly check-ins to review spending, savings and goals — from buying a house to starting a family.
- Consider a debt consolidation loan. This could help Akari simplify payments and reduce her interest costs.
Financial infidelity is a serious setback, but it doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. With honesty, empathy and teamwork, couples can rebuild trust — and keep financial disagreements from defining their relationship. (9)
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Article sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
Experian (1); Fairstone (2); Consumer Finance (3); Ipsos (4); Rachel Cruze (5); (6); The Ramsey Report (7); Fairstone (8); Gottman (9).
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.