Dave Ramsey was not very happy about a call that recently came into The Ramsey Show. It came from Christina, in South Carolina, who explained that a money and a marriage issue was going on in her life. (1)
"So my husband and I have been having this real issue lately. He believes he can spend the money any way he wants, because he earns it and because he works for it, and because I stay at home. I can’t spend it because the luxuries of being at home with my son, like the power and the water, are my little luxuries that I get,” Christina told Ramsey.
“So he can go spend it on snacks, he can go spend it on drinks. He can do whatever he wants with it, but I’m not allowed to do the same."
Ramsey, visibly displeased, asked Christina, "How old is this little boy?" and even called him a "little twerp."
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Ramsey and cohost and daughter Rachel Cruze believe that Christina’s marriage is dysfunctional — and maybe beyond anything they can fix on the call.
Here’s why.
Finances need to be joint, unequivocally
Ramsey and Cruze were both very clear that Christina’s husband was taking the wrong approach by trying to convince her that he should fully manage the finances, while she should not have a say as she’s staying at home.
Ramsey also pointed to his own life and experiences, saying that while his wife hasn’t worked outside the home in 40 years, "she has an incredible income, because we have an incredible income.”
“She gets to decide with me what we will do with our income,” Ramsey said. “Are you hearing those words clearly? None of that is happening here."
Ramsey explained that both morally and legally, Christina’s husband had an obligation to treat her as an equal, pointing out that a divorce lawyer would give her a “big old chunk” of his income to take care of herself and their child.
He also predicted that Christina would eventually get sick of her husband’s mistreatment and leave, and told her that she should not continue modeling this type of relationship for her child.
While Ramsey said he couldn’t fix Christina’s husband on the call, he urged her to get marriage counseling ASAP, and also to find a good church that could teach her husband that healthy masculinity means serving his wife and child — because right now he is doing the opposite of that.
“But what I do want to do for you is confirm that you’re not the crazy one," Ramsey said.
“The feelings that you’re having — that this is improper — are accurate feelings. They are accurate observations.”
Read more: How much cash do you plan to keep on hand after you retire? Here are 3 of the biggest reasons you’ll need a substantial stash of savings in retirement
How many stay-at-home parents are there, and is becoming one a good idea?
Christina is in a tough spot because her husband is trying to take financial control due to the fact that she is a stay-at-home mom. Stay-at-home parents are very common, and many of them are professionals who have left the workforce. However, regardless of work history, they more than deserve to be equals in household financial management.
According to one 2024 report, among families with a child under 12, around 1 in 3 has a stay-at-home parent. (2) That adds up to almost 7.5 million families. Many of these stay-at-home parents are millennials who had kids later in life, and who have a solid work history outside the home.
Many of the women who choose to stay home do so either because the cost of child care is so high that it makes sense financially to do so, or because they simply want to be home with their kids.
However, a desire to be home with kids doesn’t mean a desire to give up all financial control — especially among older parents who may have already been managing their own money independently for a while, and who are used to making financial decisions in the workplace.
Stay-at-home parents do valuable work
Cruze made clear that she agreed Christina’s husband was acting improperly and that the couple’s marriage was dysfunctional.
However, Cruze also made another observation — the work that Christina is doing may be harder and more valuable than the work her husband is doing.
“Let me tell you, Christina, it’s much easier being in a workplace with a bunch of adults than being home all day. It’s exhausting!” Cruze said.
“The value you bring to the household is as important — if not, arguably, maybe more important,” she added. “You’re raising human beings.”
In addition to being invaluable, that work does have very real monetary value.
In fact, Forbes reported on a study (3) that revealed stay-at-home parents do between $4,000 and $5,200 worth of work per month (based on what it would cost to outsource all that they do). While a Salary.com study (4) found the median annual salary for an at-home parent should be around $184,820. That’s a lot of money for services rendered.
What to discuss before one partner decides to stay home
While stay-at-home parents don’t earn a paycheck, they do get to play a valuable role in their child’s upbringing.
However, before either parent decides to stay home, there are a few key things to discuss, including:
- How will the couple handle shared financial decisions?
- Will each person have spending money they can do whatever they want with?
- Will all money be put into a shared bank account?
- What happens if there is a money conflict, and how will they go about resolving it?
- How will the non-working spouse save for retirement?
- What happens if the working spouse loses their job?
- What happens if the working spouse gets sick or dies?
- When, if ever, will the non-working spouse go back to work?
- What happens if the couple divorces?
Addressing these questions, and even putting them in writing in a post-marital agreement, could help head off conflict — and help protect the at-home spouse. A serious discussion about the purchase of life insurance is also important to ensure the at-home spouse is protected in case of tragedy.
If you and your partner can discuss these issues and get on the same page, and it’s affordable to do so, then staying home with your children can make sense if that’s what you want.
Just be sure your partner will keep treating you fairly, and you won’t end up in a situation like Christina’s — where you’re expected to treat electricity as your luxury as you work all day taking care of your child and home.
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Article sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
The Ramsey Show (1); Time (2); Forbes (3); Salary.com (4)
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.