About a year ago, Cody’s mother passed away from cancer. Cody has two sisters, and his older sister was left out of the will because she “stepped away from the family” for close to 10 years.
Now she wants back into the family — but not necessarily for the right reasons.
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Cody felt guilty, so he called into The Ramsey Show [1] to find out if he should give his sister part of his inheritance to “bring the family back together.” He inherited about $50K to $60K of liquid funds and another $100,000 in investments.
As far as host Dave Ramsey is concerned, this is “a fairly cut-and-dry deal.”
“You didn’t do this. Your mom did this. So if your sister wants to be angry with someone, it would be with your mom,” he told Cody.
Indeed, not respecting his mother’s wishes is “a bit unethical,” he said, because he’s trying to use her money “to mend a relationship.” And money won’t do that.
But there’s one thing Ramsey said that everyone should do as part of their estate planning.
Having a tough conversation
If you’re going to leave someone out of your will, “have the courage to do it while you’re alive,” said Ramsey. Otherwise, it unfairly falls to other family members (like Cody) to deal with the fallout.
Many families don’t like to talk about money. But that could leave children in the dark about the reality of their inheritance — whether they’re estranged or not.
For example, one-third of millennials expect to receive an inheritance, yet only 22% of baby boomers and Gen X expect to leave one behind, according to Northwestern Mutual’s 2024 Planning & Progress Study [2].
Considering that half of those who expect to receive an inheritance believe it’s “critical” or “highly critical” to their long-term financial security, it makes sense to have ‘the inheritance talk’ long before their parents pass away.
This can be more challenging if the child is estranged. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that about 26% of adult children said they were estranged from their father, while 6% had cut ties with their mother [3].
In this case, the parent or parents can choose to limit the inheritance or disinherit the child altogether. But this should be clear in the will to avoid future disputes (which could lead the estranged child to contest the will).
And, as far as Ramsey is concerned, that’s not fair to those left behind, like Cody.
“Your mother should have handled this when she was alive,” said Ramsey. Cody “can’t reach out an olive branch on behalf of someone else — that’s not how relationships work.”
Having those difficult conversations before a family member passes serves another purpose: it can help to ensure their wishes are honored and perhaps even achieve some sense of closure or resolution.
If that family member is ill, it’s a good idea to discuss the will as early on as possible to ensure they’re making decisions from a place of clarity. If not, that could be reason enough for someone to contest the will.
Read more: How much cash do you plan to keep on hand after you retire? Here are 3 of the biggest reasons you’ll need a substantial stash of savings in retirement
Avoiding disputes with your will
Having tough conversations about a will could lead to conflict, even leading a family member to contest the will’s validity in court. Whether or not they have a legitimate claim, this can drag out the probate process, which typically takes six months to a year or even longer.
Disputes aren’t uncommon. One study by LegalShield found that less than half of Americans have a will and 58% have experienced a family dispute (or know someone who has) due to the absence of an estate plan or will [4]. In addition, 36% say there are ‘surprises’ for their beneficiaries in their wills.
Without a will or estate plan — or with a ‘surprise’ in the will — surviving family members are left to pick up the pieces. That can be both financially and emotionally draining for everyone involved.
In this case, Cody wants to avoid conflict by giving his sister part of his inheritance. While he could ‘gift’ his sister some of his own money, he’s not obligated to (and Ramsey tells him not to).
There aren’t any hard-and-fast rules around this; it’s a judgment call. But it’s also not what his mother had wanted.
If you’re writing a last will and testament and want to ensure your wishes are honored, your will should include your personal information, your appointed executor, a list of your property and beneficiaries, as well as a guardian if you have any minor children (or pets). If you want to avoid probate, you could transfer assets into a trust fund.
If you anticipate conflict, consider bringing in a mediator or estate planning professional to guide a conversation with family members. It’s also important to update your will after significant life events and inform your children and other family members of any changes you’ve made.
But children should keep in mind that if their parents have money, inheritance is not an entitlement. “You are not entitled to their money morally, spiritually, ethically,” said Ramsey. “They can do with it what they want to do with it.”
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[1]. YouTube. “My sister was left out of the will and wants back in for all the wrong reasons”
[2]. Northwestern Mutual. “Planning & progress study 2024”
[3]. Journal of Marriage and Family. “Parent–adult child estrangement in the United States by gender, race/ethnicity, and sexuality”
[4]. Businesswire. “Will(ful) neglect: Survey reveals nearly 60% of Americans unprepared for the inevitable”
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