We’ve all heard hundreds of stories of grown children with failure-to-launch syndrome who are still being supported by their parents. But it’s not unheard of for the reverse to be true — and grown kids who support their parents face unique financial and emotional challenges.
Amy from Wisconsin recently called The Ramsey Show to ask for advice on how to talk to her fiance, who insists on supporting his parents financially — including by helping to pay their mortgage. Amy is expecting a baby, and she’s concerned that continuing to support her soon-to-be in-laws will derail her fledgling family’s finances (1).
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Ramsey Show co-hosts Jade Warshaw and John Delony agreed with Amy that something needs to change, and pointed out some huge concerns. Delony said the biggest issue is actually not Amy’s in-laws’ refusal to deal with their financial situation, but her fiance’s inability to put his foot down.
Warshaw, meanwhile, warned that if the fiance continues to make poor financial choices like paying his parents’ bills before making sure his family’s finances are secure, they risk ending up in the same situation as his parents — perpetuating a multi-generational cycle of financial dependency.
Warshaw and Delony emphasized that they’re not against grown children supporting their parents in principle. The issue is putting parents’ financial needs ahead of their own. The hosts strongly encouraged Amy to get on the same page with her fiance before tying the knot.
Children supporting parents: An under-recognized issue
You might think that it’s pretty uncommon for adults to support their parents financially. But in 2020, about 4.3 million Americans voluntarily provided financial support to parents, according to the Census Bureau. The median amount they gave was $3,749 per year (2).
Meanwhile, a 2020 survey of 2,000 Gen Xers and millennials by the health insurance marketplace GoHealth found that about 33% of people in these demographics were supporting a parent financially. Of those who support their parents, 69% of Gen Xers and 59% of millennials were helping to cover medical bills. Of those who said supporting a parent is affecting them financially, 86% of Gen Xers and 82% of millennials were worried about having enough money to pay for their own needs on top of their parents’ (3).
More recently, a 2025 LendingTree survey of 2,000 people found that 67% of Gen Zers and 63% of millennials are either already financially supporting aging parents or expect to do so. And 58% of those supporting aging parents have racked up debt in the course of providing that help. Meanwhile, 74% of people providing support say it prevents them from meeting other financial goals, like building emergency savings (4).
Why carrying two mortgages is impossible for most
These days, it’s hard enough to cover the cost of mortgage or rent for one household, let alone paying your own plus a second one for your parents. In September of 2025, the median sale price for existing homes was $422,600, according to the National Association of Realtors (5). And as of Oct. 2, the average 30-year mortgage rate was 6.34%, per Freddie Mac (6).
Someone who buys a $422,600 house with a 20% down payment and gets a 30-year mortgage at 6.34% is looking at a monthly payment of $2,101 for principal and interest alone (7). Meanwhile, the average annual U.S. wage for full-time workers is $63,933 (8). That amounts to about $5,328 per month if we divide that total by 12. It also means that a mortgage payment of $2,101 would eat up nearly 40% of a median wage.
Amy didn’t disclose her household income when she spoke to Warshaw and Delony, or talk about her own housing costs or the price of her in-laws’ monthly mortgage.
Financial experts generally recommend limiting housing costs to 30% of gross income, though. Unless you’re very wealthy, that’s nearly impossible to do if you’re paying for your own housing plus another family’s. And if Amy and her fiance go beyond that limit, they risk landing in debt or not being able to meet other financial milestones, like saving for retirement, building an emergency fund, and starting a college fund for their child.
Read more: How much cash do you plan to keep on hand after you retire? Here are 3 of the biggest reasons you’ll need a substantial stash of savings in retirement
Speaking of which, the fact that Amy is pregnant means the couple likely cannot afford to subsidize his parents’ expenses.
Insurance provider Thrivent puts the average cost of having a baby at $20,000 to $50,000 or more in the first year. Of that, Thrivent says medical expenses alone could be $20,000 without insurance. With insurance, your costs may be considerably lower. But baby furniture alone could cost $400 to $2,000, and travel gear could be another $300 to $2,000 (9).
Since Amy and her fiance have some big expenses coming up, now’s the time for them to be boosting their own savings — not paying his parents’ mortgage or covering their other financial needs.
Stopping a cycle before it starts
Amy’s situation is troubling not just because her relationship has both financial and communications problems. If her fiance won’t prioritize his and Amy’s needs, that could spell trouble for their marriage. Amy should also be careful, because if taking care of her fiance’s parents’ needs hurts her and her partner’s finances, it could lead to them falling behind on their own bills. That could have severe consequences.
“Hot take: I would not marry this person until we have figured out how to solve this,” Warshaw warned Amy.
Because the two partners will incur debts and bills jointly if they’re married or in a common-law relationship, Amy risks having her own credit ruined if this continues. And if she and her fiance buy a home of their own and can’t keep up with the payments because they’re supporting his parents, they risk losing their house if they fall behind.
Rather than give money they can’t afford to part with, Amy and her fiance could instead try educating his parents on how to manage money, or suggest they meet with a financial advisor.
If they can’t afford their mortgage, they may also be able to talk to their lender about loan modification or refinancing. The parents can also find a housing counselor through the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) if they truly can’t keep up with their payments and are at risk of foreclosure without financial support from their grown son (10).
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Article Sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
The Ramsey Show Highlights (1); U.S. Census (2); GoHealth (3); LendingTree (4); National Association of Realtors (5); Freddie Mac (6); Zillow (7); Social Security Administration (8); Thrivent (9); U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (10)
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