Dave Ramsey had some very blunt words for the family of a woman who recently sent in a question to his show, The Ramsey Show.
So harsh, in fact, that Rachel Cruze, his cohost and daughter, questioned whether he’d put his own advice into practice.
Suzy from Michigan says that she and her husband are in a good financial standing, having paid off all their debt and are mortgage-free. Unfortunately, she said her siblings have trained their young children to call them names and ask for money (1).
As a result, Ramsey offered some frank advice on what to do when your success affects family dynamics.
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Financial jealousy in families
“My siblings … have started coaching their toddlers to call us ‘Big Money,’” Suzy wrote. “They encourage their children to say things like ‘Hey, Big Money, we want to go to Disney, so can you go and pay for us?’”
While initially taking it as a joke, it has kept up despite Suzy telling them repeatedly that she and her husband prefer to be called aunt and uncle rather than ‘Big Money.’ She’s also upset that her siblings expect her to host every family gathering, without contributing anything.
“I feel like this behavior is disrespectful,” Suzy explained. At the same time, she also said her siblings are “fragile,” so she isn’t sure exactly how to handle the situation.
Ramsey didn’t mince words: He told her to sit them down and say, “Your kids are being brats. Stop it. Seriously, stop it.”
When Cruze challenged him about whether he’d actually tell his family that their kids are brats, Ramsey stood firm.
“I might at least say, ‘They’re bratty. They’re being bratty,’” Ramsey revealed.
“And you’re teaching them this [behavior] and you shouldn’t.”
The podcast host affirmed that he felt the parents were “sending their kids to do their dirty work,” advising Suzy and her husband to nip in the bud. They recommended not only speaking up every time the nieces and nephews were acting out in this way, but also refusing to bear the full hosting costs moving forward, and setting firm boundaries around their money.
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When money gets funny in families
Nazli Kibria, professor of sociology at Boston University, wrote in Psychology Today that problems with income gaps between siblings are common (2). Her research seeks to understand how money affects cross-class families, or ones where siblings make significantly different salaries. Kibria describes many common sources of conflict within this type of family dynamic, including:
- Gift giving when the value of gifts is unequal
- Loans between siblings
- Destructive patterns where the wealthier child is viewed as the “golden child”
She suggests that families identify these red flags and take steps to mitigate them, with practical advice like setting price limits on gifts or agreeing to no gift exchanges at all. In times of financial distress, they could also avoid loaning money and choose to gift it instead while also understanding each other and the different life paths each has taken.
Experts suggest that wealth inequality can loom large in family dynamics because of the importance society places on money as a marker of power and control. As a result, if a wealthier sibling tries to take charge, others could be left feeling resentful because of it.
Kevin William Grant, a registered psychotherapist, writes that competition, comparison among siblings, past financial problems and a fear of having too few resources can exacerbate already strained family dynamics (3). When one sibling is jealous of the other about money, this can lead to chronic stress, depression, anxiety and erosion of self-worth.
Learning emotional regulation techniques through therapy and reframing beliefs about money and each sibling’s role in the family can help to lessen these issues. Family therapy can also help to uncover the deeper issues that underpin a sibling’s negative reaction to another’s wealth.
“It’s not funny,” Ramsey said of Suzy’s siblings’ behavior. “It’s passive-aggressive.”
By not giving into jealousy, confusing money with power or control and refraining from activities like uncontrolled gift-giving or lending, families can hope to avoid situations like this one.
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Article sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
The Ramsey Show (1); Psychology Today (2); Kevinwgrant.com (3)
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.