Lee from Nashville, TN, is in “recovery from a crisis” after her husband of 20 years was sentenced to prison for 10 years.
“We’re not going to end up on the streets,” she told The Ramsey Show co-hosts during a recent episode. The stay-at-home mom has four children — one is a junior in college and the other three, aged 9, 11 and 15, live with her.
But she’s “paralyzed in terms of what to do next.” She has some savings, but she’s relying on her parents to help her pay the rent.
“I’m boots on the ground trying to figure this all out,” she said.
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What this means for her and the kids
Lee is in the process of getting a divorce; she’s also sold the family home and moved back to her hometown. While Lee has had a year to process some of her grief, she feels overwhelmed at the thought of moving forward.
“There’s the resolution of the court deal, but that light bill keeps coming and that water bill keeps coming,” said co-host Dr. John Delony.
Lee says her husband was an “excellent provider” with a high-paying job — and they were about to “push that snowball all the way down and really start building some serious wealth.” That included paying off their house in the next two to three years. Her kids were homeschooled and went to private school.
But, by the beginning of 2025, they had spent about $150,000 on criminal defense fees and divorce attorneys. Despite this, she still has about $50,000 in the bank left over from the sale of their home. And, in the divorce, she’ll receive $260,000 in a 401(k), $75,000 in a pension through a former employer and another $10,000 from a military savings plan.
Lee is now renting a house near a good public school system since she can no longer afford private school. At this point, she has $7,000 in credit card debt. But she also doesn’t have a job.
She can’t afford rent on her own, but “my parents are willing to pay half the rent pretty much indefinitely” without any strings attached, though she says she would love to be completely independent again.
Delony says Lee is going to have to do something that’s really hard: “Every second you spend thinking about what almost happened or what could have happened is energy taken away from a mama that now has to provide for three kids all by herself,” he said.
While Lee says her grief is “crushing,” Delony says the “hardest, harshest thing I’m going to say probably today on this show is the water bill doesn’t care.”
So how can she make this situation work for her under such crushing grief?
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What are some immediate steps she can take?
Lee is overwhelmed about re-entering the workforce with a 15-year gap on her resume.
She wouldn’t be alone: A 2024 LendingTree analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau Household Pulse Survey found that one in 10 American adults (10.7%) are out of the workforce because they’re caring for kids who aren’t in school or daycare.
If you’ve been out of the workforce for more than a decade, your skills may be outdated (or at least a bit rusty).
Ken Coleman, in a blog for Ramsey Solutions, suggests brushing up on your hard skills, such as attending workshops or events, looking for online courses to help you learn (or relearn) a skill or applying for (or updating) licenses or certifications. It’s also a good time to start working your connections and rebuilding your network.
From there, you’ll need to update your resume. If you’re in a similar situation to Lee, you may be wondering how to address that ‘mommy’ gap on your resume. Rather than trying to hide it, you may want to directly address it.
That doesn’t mean it has to be a big blank space. For example, did you volunteer for the PTA? What were your responsibilities?
Use the opportunity to highlight any gig or volunteer work you did during your ‘mommy’ gap, focusing on transferable skills such as problem solving and leadership. You could also highlight any courses or certificates you’ve taken before your return to the workplace, which demonstrates initiative.
In Lee’s case, she homeschooled her children (at least part of the time) so she’s familiar with the curriculum, which she could highlight when applying for teaching positions.
To create a modern resume, there are several free or low-cost resume guides and templates available online that can help.
While Lee does have some savings — and the support of her parents — she’s now solely responsible for making household financial decisions. That’s where financial coaching could help, especially for a newly single mom whose ex handled most financial matters.
A financial coach, for example, may advise her to set aside a portion of her savings in an emergency fund and then pay off her high-interest credit card debt. A financial coach could also help her design a budget and make a plan for future savings.
But that may mean putting some of her dreams on hold — at least for now.
“The dreams you had about the home school and the private school — there’s a period to end that sentence. It’s over,” Delony told her. What she needs to do right now is simply “survive.”
Lee has experience teaching, so he suggests she immediately apply to “every open teaching position in your local district.” If her district is like so many others in the U.S., “they’re desperate for teachers.”
While this may not be her dream job, it will help her take care of her family while she gets back on her feet. And it could help her focus on moving forward rather than dwelling on everything she’s lost.
“The only way to get through the paralysis,” said Delony, “is to take a step.”
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
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