Melissa from New Jersey called into The Ramsey Show for financial advice. But marriage problems formed the root of her predicament.
“You have very little marriage left,” said Dave Ramsey, “It’s hanging on by a thread.”
Everything came to a head when Melissa and her husband sold a rental property. After buying the property early in their marriage, the couple had previously lived in the house as co-owners. But when they sold the home, Melissa’s husband put the sale proceeds into his individual account instead of their joint account. And she hasn’t seen a dime.
With that, she lost out on access to approximately $475,000. And she still hasn’t gotten access to it. Even though the home sold represented a shared marital asset, he claims all of the money belongs to him.
When asked why she allowed the transfer into his sole control, Melissa confessed, “Our dynamic is based on a lot of intimidation and fear.”
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What are Melissa’s rights?
Melissa’s gut instincts are right: she is entitled to a share of the sale proceeds because the home represents a marital asset.
After purchasing it together and renovating it with their ‘wedding money’ in the early years of their marriage, it’s pretty clearly a marital asset. The fact that they moved out into a different home and rented it out doesn’t change the fact that it’s a marital asset.
In the Garden State, all property acquired during a marriage is considered marital property, which means it belongs to both spouses equally. Barring a pre-nuptial or post-nuptial agreement that Melissa didn’t share, she’s entitled to half of the sale proceeds.
It would be different if Melissa’s husband had owned the property before their marriage, according to the New Jersey Legislature [1]. In that case, he may be entitled to keep the sale proceeds all to himself. But based on the information she shared, that’s not what’s happening here.
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Marriage counseling or divorce?
Since he doesn’t seem willing to budge on his stance, Ramsey claimed Melissa’s two options are marriage counseling or divorce.
With ongoing money fights, Melissa wouldn’t be alone if she opted for divorce. A recent survey from the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts found that money issues were the primary reason for divorce 22% of the time, behind ‘basic incompatibility’ and ‘infidelity’ [2].
One respondent in the survey said, “Many couples lack the communication skills necessary to navigate financial disagreements in their marriage.”
It seems like Melissa and her husband may fall into this category.
“The only rights you have are in divorce court,” said Ramsey, “You have moral and ethical rights, but he’s ignoring those.”
But if she’s not ready for divorce, marriage counseling is still an option. If she wants to start with marriage counseling, it’s likely a good idea to find a professional who specializes in couples therapy
According to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, marriage counseling is successful around 70% of the time [3]. Plus, almost 90% of couples who complete therapy with a highly trained couples therapist report an increase in emotional well-being, according to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists [4].
If both she and her husband are willing to try couples therapy in order to resolve this issue, the statistics show there’s a good chance that things will work out with an intact marriage. As they repair their relationship, rebuilding financial trust with each other must remain a top priority.
In the best-case scenario, her husband would understand that she is an equal partner in their marriage and therefore deserves an equal share in their marital assets, including the home’s sale proceeds and any other shared assets they have. But it’s possible that money issues will continue to crop up if she stays with him.
Whether or not she tries couples therapy, it’s possible this marriage will end in divorce. Although she fears being left with nothing during a divorce, that’s not likely in an equitable distribution state, such as New Jersey. With two teenagers at home, she’d also likely be entitled to some amount of child support. When you factor in her $80,000 per year salary, Ramsey claims she’ll be able to stand on her own financially.
Based on her tone, it’s possible that this is the end of Melissa’s marriage. If she decides to pursue a divorce, it’s important to enlist the help of a competent divorce attorney. During a consultation, Ramsey advised that she should lay out everything she knows about their marital finances to have the best chance of getting her rightful half of the home sale proceeds.
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[1]. New Jersey Legislature. “Bill A3721”
[2]. Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts. “Survey: Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®) professionals reveal the leading causes of divorce”
[3]. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. “Research on the treatment of couple distress”
[4]. American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. “About marriage and family therapists”
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