Getting married means merging your life to your spouse’s — and often, that includes your financial future. But are you responsible for debts your partner racked up before the wedding?
That’s the dilemma one woman is facing. Jennie is 45, her husband, Rob, is 42, and they’ve been married for a year. Jennie earns about $7,000 a month and owns their home, purchased in 2020 with a 2.6% mortgage rate.
She covers all the household bills and wants to focus on growing her retirement savings and building an emergency fund. But there’s one looming issue: her husband still owes nearly $70,000 in student loans.
It turns out, Rob never consolidated the debt and hasn’t made much progress on repayment. The couple keeps their finances separate, and while he’s stopped using credit cards and cut back spending, he’s not actively paying down the loans. Now Jennie’s wondering whether she should step in and help.
Must Read
- Thanks to Jeff Bezos, you can now become a landlord for as little as $100 — and no, you don’t have to deal with tenants or fix freezers. Here’s how
- I’m 49 years old and have nothing saved for retirement — what should I do? Don’t panic. Here are 6 of the easiest ways you can catch up (and fast)
- Dave Ramsey warns nearly 50% of Americans are making 1 big Social Security mistake — here’s what it is and 3 simple steps to fix it ASAP
Should you help a spouse pay off their debt?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but in this case, the answer is: no — Jennie shouldn’t pay off her husband’s student loans.
That doesn’t mean she’s not committed to the marriage or unwilling to support her spouse, but at this point in her life, Jennie needs to focus on her own financial future.
She’s already paying the mortgage and covering all the household bills. With a stable income, low expenses, and an available fixed-rate mortgage, she’s in a strong position to build long-term wealth. Instead of diverting funds to his student loans, she could:
- Fully fund her 401(k)
- Make sure she has an emergency fund with at least six months of expenses
- Start investing in a taxable brokerage account
Supporting her husband doesn’t mean writing a check for his debt. It could mean continuing to shoulder more of the household expenses — something she is already doing — so he has room in his budget to tackle the loans. It can also mean encouraging his financial growth and helping him access tools to manage his money more effectively.
If you’re in a similar situation, you can help without paying the debt directly:
- Create a debt payoff plan together, using a spreadsheet or app to track balances, minimums, and targets
- Build a realistic budget that includes debt payments
- Celebrate small milestones (like knocking out $5,000 or $10,000 of debt)
- Suggest working with a financial coach or counselor
- Share helpful books, podcasts, or apps
Helping someone become financially responsible means supporting their growth — not shielding them from consequences.
Read more: Robert Kiyosaki warns of a ‘Greater Depression’ coming to the US — with millions of Americans going poor. But he says these 2 ‘easy-money’ assets will bring in ‘great wealth’. How to get in now
Why financial compatibility matters in marriage
This aforementioned anecdote is a reminder of how important financial compatibility is in a relationship. Experts estimate that money problems contribute to 20% to 40% of all divorces, which means a shared money mindset can make — or break — your relationship.
That’s why couples should talk openly about their finances before getting married. Topics like debt, spending habits, credit scores, and long-term financial goals may feel uncomfortable, especially if one partner carries financial shame. But avoiding the conversation entirely only makes it harder down the line.
Here are a few do’s and don’ts for having a productive conversation about finances:
Do…
- Be honest about your income, debt, and financial obligations
- Talk through long-term goals like homeownership, retirement, or college savings
- Approach the conversation with patience and kindness
Don’t…
- Get defensive or assign blame
- Hide spending habits or say what you think your partner wants to hear
- Assume you can “fix” your partner’s money mindset if they not ready to change
Your financial future is inevitably tied to your partner’s — but helping doesn’t mean absorbing their debt. It means encouraging healthy financial habits and building a stronger future together.
What to read next
- How much cash do you plan to keep on hand after you retire? Here are 3 of the biggest reasons you’ll need a substantial stash of savings in retirement
- There’s still a 35% chance of a recession hitting the American economy this year — protect your retirement savings with these 5 essential money moves ASAP
- This tiny hot Costco item has skyrocketed 74% in price in under 2 years — but now the retail giant is restricting purchase. Here’s how to buy the coveted asset in bulk
- Want an extra $1,300,000 when you retire? Dave Ramsey says this 7-step plan ‘works every single time’ to kill debt, get rich in America — and that ‘anyone’ can do it
Join 200,000+ readers and get Moneywise’s best stories and exclusive interviews first — clear insights curated and delivered weekly. Subscribe now.
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.