It’s unusual for people who are married to have different views on money. There are plenty of savers who marry spenders, and vice versa.
While it’s one thing to see money differently, it’s another thing when one member of a married couple doesn’t know how to manage their money at all. That’s the situation Bianca from Los Angeles seems to be in.
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Bianca called into The Ramsey Show to get advice on how to handle her "super financially irresponsible" husband. Not only does he blow through money recklessly while falling behind on obligations, but he doesn’t seem open to changing his ways. Ramsey picked up on the breadcrumbs.
"You don’t have a money problem, darling," Ramsey said. "You’ve got a husband problem."
A tough disconnect to work through
Bianca is 41 years old and her husband is 52. They dated briefly before getting married and have been married for about five months.
She told Ramsey and his co-host, Jade Warshaw, that her husband was recently in a contract job but then had a dispute with the company, leading to him being out of work. He’s behind on child support and had his mother’s car, which has since been repossessed.
Bianca says that when her husband does get paid for the jobs he does, he wants to spend his paycheck on non-essentials. She, however, wants him to pay off debt and keep up with his obligations, but he gets defensive whenever the subject of money comes up.
Warshaw suggested the couple schedule conversations about money rather than spontaneously.
"Why it’s not working is you’re telling him what to do," Warshaw said, adding that instead of taking an accusatory tone, Bianca should discuss how his financial behavior is affecting her.
Ramsey, meanwhile, recommended marriage counseling to help find principles to guide and strengthen their marriage.
"You don’t have a vision for your marriage, and you don’t have a vision for your financial future that you’re aligned on," Ramsey said. "The principles say we’re going to sit down together and map out a life that has peace and sustainability and love, and not all this angst and disrespect.”
Read more: I’m almost 50 and have nothing saved for retirement — what now? Don’t panic. These 6 easy steps can help you turn things around
How to have tough financial conversations
A 2024 Ipsos poll found that 34% of partnered Americans say money is a source of conflict in their relationship.
Additionally, a Fidelity survey in the same year found that 27% of people are often frustrated by the money habits their partners uphold, and more than one-third of couples disagree on big financial goals.
While it’s not a given that you and your spouse will be on the same page, you should strive to align yourselves as much as possible. This should ideally happen before you get married.
Here’s what you can do:
- Schedule time to talk: Don’t ambush your spouse off guard with a discussion. If they know the conversation is coming, they won’t be on the defensive.
- Explain the situation: If your spouse is falling behind on debts and other obligations, it may be causing you to lose faith and trust in them; it’s important to share that concern.
Fidelity noted that couples who communicate effectively about money are more likely to discuss finances together at least once a month, so adopting this habit is not a bad idea. At the same time, conduct those conversations respectfully and avoid being accusatory.
Empathy and understanding are your best tools when discussing finances. Perhaps they’re feeling unfulfilled emotionally or are struggling with a specific mental health issue. Approach the discussion as a team and tackle any issues together.
Don’t hesitate to bring in professionals as well, such as a marriage counselor or a financial advisor.
A marriage counselor may help you and your spouse work through emotional and communication issues, while a financial advisor could help you gain control over money matters that are causing you stress.
If you’re worried about taking on too much debt or falling behind on savings, an advisor can review your expenses and income and suggest ways to improve your overall financial picture.
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This article originally appeared on Moneywise.com under the title: ‘You got a husband problem’: LA newlywed says her spouse is ‘financially irresponsible.’ Here’s Dave Ramsey’s advice
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.