When Casey called into The Ramsey Show about her husband’s debt, she was barely holding back tears.
“I’m just so overwhelmed.” the Ohio nurse, 33, told Dave Ramsey and co-host George Kamel, her voice breaking. “I’ve never been in this much debt before.” (1)
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She and her husband, also 33, have only been married a year, but she’s cracking under the strain of their joint finances and his $72,000 student-loan debt. That’s nearly twice the average $39,075 student-loan balance. (2)
Casey brings in $90,000 a year as a nurse and is working to pay off her own $6,000 debt, consisting of a medical bill and credit-card debt.
Meanwhile, her husband makes $30,000 from his insurance business and recently started a job pulling in another $3,000 a month, but he’s not using that extra income to pay down debt.
In fact, he’s adding to their debts, claiming it’s helpful to use credit cards and get loans to build up credit history in order to buy a car or a house.
His latest move? They already had a two-year-old car which he sold in order to lease a new Tesla. Tesla leases range between $350 and $500 a month, money that could have gone to pay off debt. (3)
Casey didn’t find out about this financial decision till she saw the car in the driveway.
“I’m not sure how we can, you know, work together and tackle this debt,” Casey said.
Ramsey was not impressed.
“This guy does whatever he wants to do and then comes home and tells you, ‘I leased a Tesla,’” he said.
“That’s a husband that needs to be smacked and I can’t help you with that because I can’t reach him from here.”
Here’s what he recommended.
What happens when you marry before you talk about money
Ramsey said Casey’s problem is bigger than debt — her marriage itself is “in deep trouble.”
He recommended she and her husband seek marriage counseling immediately.
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“Tonight, tell him, ‘I’m so scared, I can’t breathe and you are killing me,’” Ramsey advised.
He told Casey to tell her husband she would be seeing a marriage counselor and would like her husband to join her.
Ramsey asked whether she and her husband had discussed money before marriage.
Casey admitted that they hadn’t, even though they’d dated several years. She’d imagined that her money would be her own, and her husband’s money and debts would be his own.
But now she realizes that marriage means they have joint responsibility for finances.
If her husband continues spending the way he does, Casey will likely bear the burden of paying off his debts now and in the future.
Worse still, any shared debts accrued during their marriage could impact her credit score.
Dealing with financial disparity in marriage
Casey is not alone in being the higher-income earner in a marriage, and struggling with the dynamic.
In 2023, 30% of married women without children were household breadwinners, according to a study from the Center for American Progress. (4) Overall, men being the sole providers in married households is an increasing rarity.
In fact, only 23% of husbands were the sole providers for married households in 2023, down from 49% in 1972, according to the Pew Research Center. (5)
In a two-income household where the wife earns more, like Casey’s, frank discussions about everything — including finances — are essential to building a happy life.
Marriage counseling is a good starting point. But Casey and her husband may also find value in working directly with a financial advisor. Having an objective third party who is also a finance professional can help them map out a money plan that aligns with their values.
An even better starting point: Talking about finances with a prospective partner before you get married.
For example, you might start by dreaming together about what your life might look like. With a better idea of your joint vision of things like your future home, travels, and lifestyle, you can start deciding how you’ll need to manage money to reach those goals together.
Beyond the fun stuff, you’ll also want to discuss any debts and ongoing expenses that each partner is bringing into the marriage. For some, pulling up credit reports together might offer a deeper look into each other’s finances.
If you aren’t sure where to get started, leaning on a resource like Money for Couples, a book designed to help you get on the same page about money, could be helpful. (6) It includes tips on the four key things all couples should discuss.
Article sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
The Ramsey Show (1); Education Data Initiative (2); Tesla (3); Center for American Progress (4); Pew Research Center (5); Money for Couples (6)
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This article originally appeared on Moneywise.com under the title: Ohio nurse was already scared about husband’s $72K debt — then he got a Tesla. Dave Ramsey says he ‘needs to be smacked’
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