Many people consider it an honor to be selected into a friend’s wedding party, but that responsibility can come with spending requirements that some may not be financially comfortable with.
Take Laura from Chicago, for example. As she explained to Ken Coleman, Rachel Cruze and George Kamel, the hosts of a recent live recording of The Ramsey Show, Laura has already spent more than $1,000 after she was chosen to be a bridesmaid in her friend’s black-tie wedding (1).
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After spending significant money on the bachelorette party and the bridal shower, which included travel expenses, Laura is now wondering how much she’s obligated to spend on a wedding gift.
She initially planned to give $150 per person ($300 total for her and her boyfriend), since she believes the gift should at least cover the cost of their dinners at the event. But since her boyfriend disagreed, Laura — who’s still working to pay off her student loans — turned to the Ramsey crew for advice.
Their discussion reflected how many Americans likely feel: weddings, which were once a simple celebration of love and unity, have ballooned into costly commitments that can clash with personal financial goals.
Three hosts, three very different opinions
The three hosts offered very different takes on Laura’s predicament, highlighting the tension that can arise when etiquette clashes with your financial reality.
Cruze suggested finding a creative, low-cost gift instead of something from the registry, recommending something sentimental from Etsy that wouldn’t break the bank. But Laura had her doubts.
“I thought it was like a faux-pas to give something that’s not on the registry,” said Laura.
Coleman leaned toward practicality and agreed with Laura’s plan for her wedding gift, saying "$150 — that’s nice.” But Kamel took a bolder stance, suggesting Americans need to normalize skipping the gift altogether if you’re in the wedding party.
“You’re spending a lot of money to be a bridesmaid,” said Kamel, arguing that her time and support were already generous contributions. But Kamel, who appeared to be confused about wedding gift-giving etiquette, required help from the audience to clear up one point of confusion.
“Color me stupid, but I thought if you’re a bridesmaid you don’t need to get a gift, because you’re doing a lot already,” said Kamel. But the audience quickly dismissed this assumption.
“You still get a gift?” asked Kamel when audience members shook their heads. “Ok, I’m hearing from the … especially the older ladies in the room, saying ‘you’re an idiot.’”
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What to do when a wedding conflicts with financial goals
Being part of a wedding party is often seen as an honor, but it can come with serious financial strain. Bridesmaids are typically expected to pay for their dress, shoes, travel, hair and makeup, as well as contributing to the cost of the bridal shower and potentially the bachelorette trip.
“Weddings have become full-on experiences, and that means being a bridesmaid is more expensive than ever,” Fallon Carter, a wedding planner, shared with Brides.com (2), which estimates the total cost for bridesmaids in 2025 to be anywhere from $800 to $1,200. And that’s before the wedding gift.
Meanwhile, a survey by The Knot found most wedding guests spend an average of $150 on a gift, though close friends and family often spend more (3).
For someone working through debt or struggling to pay the bills, that can feel like an obligation that’s tough to meet. If being in a wedding party will derail your financial progress, it’s okay to decline the invitation and simply attend the wedding as a guest.
Be honest, and simply explain that you’re working on your finances and can’t make that financial commitment. A true friend will likely understand, or offer solutions that bring the cost down if they really want you to participate in the wedding party.
And when it comes to the wedding gift, the real number is what you can afford, says etiquette expert Lizzie Post, co-president of The Emily Post Institute.
"The magic number for how much you should spend on a wedding gift depends on what fits your budget," Post shared with Brides.com. "You should give a gift that’s worth what you can afford to give comfortably."
If you do say yes to being in the wedding party, plan ahead and set clear limits, and make sure to be upfront and clear with the bride or groom about what you can afford.
Here are a few ways to save some money:
- Set a spending cap: Decide what you can comfortably afford before any events begin, and consider bowing out of events that don’t fit your budget
- DIY or borrow: Consider renting or borrowing a dress, suit and accessories, while styling your own hair and makeup. If the wedding party chooses to travel for the bridal shower, you could potentially split a hotel room to keep costs down
- Skip extras: If you’ve already paid for travel and attire, don’t feel pressured to give an expensive gift that’s outside of your budget. A monetary gift to cover your plate can suffice, or perhaps consider a thoughtful, inexpensive item, which can mean just as much as a big gift
- Prioritize your financial plan: As Cruze, Kamel and Coleman reminded the audience, your financial goals should come first, and real friends will likely support you on that decision
Celebrating with your friend on their big day is an important part of friendship, but derailing your financial future for someone else’s wedding may not be a smart money move. True friends will likely want to see you succeed in life, even if it means bowing out of being in their wedding party or spending less on a gift.
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Article sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
The Ramsey Show Highlights – YouTube (1); Brides.com (2); The Knot (3)
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.