Sarah, a 43-year-old from Anaheim, California, has finally had it with her partner of 20 years.
“He’s financially irresponsible,” she told The Ramsey Show cohosts John Delony and George Kamel in a clip posted July 2. “He’s 56 and he’s got maybe $8-10,000 in retirement savings.”
Now, Sarah is seeking a path forward after admitting to both her partner and the cohosts she’s unhappy with how things have turned out.
“He has shown you his cards,” Delony bluntly put it. “You cannot do one single thing about anything that’s come before this phone call. You’re holding a pen and a blank piece of paper. You get to decide what story you write next.”
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The situation
The pair had been living together for 18 years, but never combined finances.
“We’ve talked about money, we’ve argued about money, we’ve fought about money,” Sarah explained. “He didn’t even put money into his 401(k) at work until I finally put my foot down.”
On the other hand, Sarah is debt-free, with over $50,000 in savings, and has contributed to a 401(k) at every step of her career.
Her partner is well off the pace of his peers in terms of retirement savings. According to Federal Reserve data, as of 2022, the median retirement account balance among those aged 55-64 in the U.S. was $185,000.
Sarah admitted she’d previously thought about leaving him, but wound up feeling guilty he might end up in financial peril.
“You’re going to have to choose guilt over resentment, and there’s a lot of resentment that’s built up over 20 years of you carrying the load,” Kamel said.
“Sit down with a friend, maybe a local counselor, and just get all this stuff out,” Delony added. “Go towards something. Don’t just run into the night screaming, because you’re going to end up right back in the same situation.”
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Financial irresponsibility and romantic compatibility
In any long-term relationship, money issues can spark tension, but persistent financial irresponsibility is a different story. Refusing to change or take accountability or repeatedly draining shared resources causes stress, erodes trust and can place an unfair financial burden on one person.
If some of these things occur and you find you’re often the one cleaning up the mess — whether that means tackling debt or managing all the long-term planning — it’s worth assessing whether the dynamic is sustainable.
It’s key for everyone in a relationship to be financially aligned. Ask yourself questions like: Are our goals the same? Can I trust them to make the right decisions for our future? Do I feel more like a parent or a partner?
A 2025 survey commissioned by LendingTree found that 23% of Americans in relationships had ended one in the past due to financial incompatibility. An additional 34% said they’d consider ending a relationship for this reason.
Of those who reported being in a financially incompatible relationship, many blamed their partners for overspending (34%), poorly managing their finances (30%) and not earning enough (27%). However, some admitted they don’t save enough (27%) and they overspend (21%).
There may be disagreements between people about money — that isn’t necessarily a bad thing — but the point is to move forward together.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
