Forty-year-old Jenny is a surgeon earning nearly half a million dollars a year.
She called into The Ramsey Show to ask a hard financial and emotional question: “My boyfriend doesn’t want to work. Is that a deal breaker?”
While Jenny is projecting to earn $500,000 this year, her 51-year-old actor boyfriend earned less than $23,000 last year. He has worked just two days in the past 12 months.
The show’s hosts, Dave Ramsey and co-host Rachel Cruze, didn’t mince words.
“Is that attractive to you? Are you like, ‘What a winner’?” Cruze asked bluntly.
The red flag isn’t just the difference in income. Ramsey emphasized it was the lack of drive that Jenny should watch out for, “I don’t care if he makes as much money,” he said. “I care that he doesn’t work.”
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‘An unmotivated slug’
The hosts doubled down on the lack of ambition. Cruze pointed out, “I’m not mad that he doesn’t have a job as an actor every week, but at least he’s like, hey, I’m still busting my butt and I’m part-time here, I’m waiting tables here and I’m trying to make this dream work… but the fact that there’s nothing in between that that’s happening, right? As a woman who works and all of it, that’s not attractive to me,”
Jenny also added, “We want to continue our relationship and keep moving forward and eventually get married and live together.”
But the surgeon also clearly had apprehensions about some of the proposed arrangements: “[H]e says because the house will be under my name, he shouldn’t pay for any part of the mortgage.”
Ramsey was direct, saying, “He clearly is an unmotivated slug.”
Jenny continued, revealing she has repeatedly asked him how he gets by without steady work.
“He’s 51 and I’m not sure how much things are going to change,” she said.
When Ramsey asked whether Jenny had children and she said no, he countered by asking her, “If you had a daughter that asked you this question, what would you tell her? You already have made this decision. You just wanted someone else to say it out loud. And I’ll tell you, if you go forward with this guy, you’re going to get increasingly resentful and increasingly bitter.”
The co-hosts also pointed out that in modern relationships, the traditional roles can be reversed, with many women today being the primary breadwinners. But what’s non-negotiable is effort.
“It’s 2025,” Cruze said. “There’s some stay-at-home dads. So, even if that was the case and he’s like, hey, we’re having to support kids and you have a demanding job, I’m able to do this and this and this, you know what I mean? But there’s like effort involved. There’s none of that.”
The final verdict from Ramsey followed: “We think it’s a deal breaker and so do you. And you just wanted someone else to say it out loud.”
Read more: Want an extra $1,300,000 when you retire? Dave Ramsey says this 7-step plan ‘works every single time’ to kill debt, get rich in America — and that ‘anyone’ can do it
Shifts in the job market mean fewer men are working
A large number of American men are not working. In 2024, that number was almost at 7 million, though April 2025 U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics data now finds a total of 7.2 million Americans (male and female) unemployed. The reasons range from labor market disruptions to mental health struggles, but the ultimate impact is that the male workforce is steadily declining.
Back in 1970, obtaining a high school diploma was almost always enough to get a spot in the workforce. Nearly 98% of young men with only a high school education were either working or actively looking for work. Fast-forward to 2013 and that figure had slipped to 88%. In 2024, that number was even lower with just 87% of young men with a high school diploma participating in the labor force, reflecting a long-term shift in the job market and what it takes to stay employed.
But it’s not just about education. So why is this happening?
Manufacturing, construction and other traditionally male-heavy sectors have shrunk dramatically. These industries have been hit by automation, offshoring and economic restructuring, leaving fewer stable, high-paying jobs for men without college degrees.
In fact, a Pew Research Center study found that “men who are not college-educated leave the workforce at higher rates than men who are. At the same time, fewer younger men have been enrolling in college over the past decade,” according to CNBC.
Mental health challenges, including depression and substance abuse, are also reasons contributing to the lower number of men in the workforce.
There is also a growing sense of disconnection and purposelessness among young men. An Economic Strategy Group report found that men are increasingly disengaged from work, education and relationships. Instead, they are turning to online entertainment, gaming and internet communities. This increased isolation then further limits employment prospects due to a narrowing of social networks.
On the other hand, women have steadily increased their share of college degrees and professional employment. According to a Women in Academia report, women earned almost 67% of all Master’s degrees awarded in 2021-2022 in the U.S.
The consequences are massive. A shrinking male workforce means knock-on effects like lower tax revenue, heavier demand for social services and lower homeownership rates.
As to how to remedy this drop in participation, Economic Strategy Group recommends:
- ensuring those who want to enter college after pandemic-related disruptions are able to do so
- restoring pathways to economic security outside of the college pipeline
- equipping young men with the social and emotional support to navigate this period in their lives
In Jenny’s individual case, Ramsey argued that the lack of ambition is not sustainable in a long-term partnership — that this lack of effort would carry over to other facets of their life together. In a culture that values contribution and equity in relationships, a lack of initiative can be a serious deal-breaker — and should be.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
