Ellie from Dallas, Texas, knew something was off in her marriage. After years with a financially controlling spouse, she’s finally ready to leave.
The problem? She doesn’t have access to the family’s money, despite earning US$40,000 (C$56,000) a year as a part-time nurse.
Feeling trapped, she called The Ramsey Show for advice. “He’s gotten so financially abusive,” she said in a recent episode. “He transfers what he wants — my allowance — to my account. I can’t see the other accounts.”
Hosts Dr. John Delony and George Kamel didn’t hold back. “I can tell you right now: he sucks,” Delony said. “That’s not a way to be married to somebody.”
After hearing all the facts, they encouraged her to put her anxieties aside and take a real step toward getting out of this situation.
Financially trapped?
Despite Ellie raising concerns with her husband — even saying she no longer feels safe in the marriage — nothing has changed.
She has tried to initiate a conversation about their joint financial situation. She’s gone so far as to tell him that she doesn’t feel safe in the marriage. But even these relatively drastic measures haven’t made a crack in the ice.
After hearing Ellie’s story, Delony didn’t mince words: “He has left you so long ago. He just never filed papers.” He urged her to grieve the reality of her marriage, then shift focus to what comes next.
Her biggest question: “How do you get out when you have no access to any of the finances?”
Ellie earns her own money, but her paycheques are deposited into a joint account — which her husband controls. Once the money hits, he transfers most of it into an account she can’t access.
“But you have control, you have a say in the joint account, right?” asked Kamel.
Technically, she does. But Ellie’s afraid to withdraw more than he “allows,” fearing retaliation. She worries he’ll cut off essentials like her phone or car insurance if she pushes back during a potential divorce.
“Is this real?” asked Delony.
How to spot financial abuse
The Canadian Bankers Association highlights these five red flags that indicate either yourself or someone you know is experiencing some form of financial abuse (1):
- Forbidding a partner to have a career
- Undermining a person’s employment opportunities
- Controlling how money their is spent
- Withholding access to money or financial information
- Running up debts in the victim’s name
Taking ownership of your finances
The hosts believed Ellie’s fear of financial uncertainty during and after divorce was keeping her stuck.
“You make $40,000 bucks a year, and you could turn a switch on and make $65,000 starting tomorrow… you could have an apartment tomorrow if you wanted one. Period,” Delony said.
Instead of dwelling on obstacles, the hosts urged Ellie to focus on solutions.
Kamel recommended a first step: Redirect her paycheque into a new individual account only she controls. While her husband may retaliate, it’s a necessary move toward financial independence.
“You’re going to take ownership of the things you have control over — and there’s more in control than you think,” said Kamel.
With access to her full income, Ellie could afford her own one-bedroom apartment and start covering her own bills.
As for legal help, Delony advised finding a divorce attorney who accepts payment on the back end — a common option in situations like hers. If a retainer is required, regaining control of her paycheque could help her save for it.
For Canadians looking to navigate a relationship involving financial abuse, the Canadian Center for Women’s Empowerment provides education, community-based research, economic and financial empowerment to victims and survivors (2).
Article sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
Canadian Bankers Association (1); Canadian Center for Women’s Empowerment (2)
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.