Buying a home is a dream for many young people, but family responsibilities can sometimes get in the way. That’s the dilemma 28-year-old Tom is facing. He wants to save up to buy a home, but he’s the sole breadwinner for his family, which includes his mom, 59, and his older brother, 32.
Mom runs a small fruit stand that brings in a little money, while his brother has refused to work for the last three years. Instead, his brother lives for free — in a home that Tom is primarily paying for.
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Tom is frustrated and exhausted. He’s already given most of his savings to his mother to pay off her debt, and now she says the allowance he gives her isn’t enough. Meanwhile, the household budget is already stretched thin.
So, apart from a sudden promotion and drastic increase in salary, is there a way for him to save up for a house while supporting his family?
The weight of being a sole supporter
The fact that Tom wants to support his mother is admirable, but it’s slowing his progress toward his financial goals. He’s not just covering an occasional bill — he’s practically the sole provider for two adults, both of whom may be able to contribute more to the household finances.
Parents supporting their adult children is common — half of parents in the U.S. provide at least some financial support to their adult children on a regular basis, according to a survey by Savings.com. But Tom isn’t a parent — he’s effectively sacrificing his future to support both his mom and his brother.
The impact of that long-term financial dependence can be huge, including delaying milestones like retirement or, in Tom’s case, homeownership.
If Tom continues down this path — where his brother perpetually refuses to work and his mom doesn’t improve her income — his goal of owning a home may remain nothing more than a dream.
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How to set financial boundaries
Setting boundaries with family can be difficult, but it’s necessary in many cases. One phrase Tom should keep in mind: Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
If Tom wants to buy a home, he must limit his support of two grown adults who might otherwise find full-time work and increase their income — or get disability support if they’re unable to work. There are a few ways he can approach this without abandoning his family.
Give a deadline and move out
Tom can set a deadline — maybe thirty or sixty days — for moving out. This gives his family time to adjust, find a job, downsize or do whatever needs to be done, while giving him a clear starting point for attaining independence and saving to purchase a home.
Control where the money goes
Rather than handing over cash to his mother, Tom can cover essentials like rent or utilities directly. This ensures everyone’s needs are met, while any extras his family wants would be up to them. For example, if his brother wants to go out with friends, he’ll have to fund his own nights out.
Prioritize saving first
Another route is to save first, then provide support to his family from what is left over. For example, he might save half of what’s left after expenses and then give his mother the other half. If he can increase his income, he can save even more while giving his mother the same amount of money.
Tom’s situation is heartbreaking, because his family clearly relies on him, but if nothing changes he may never be able to buy a home of his own. Reducing his financial contributions and prioritizing his own future is the only way he’ll be able to reach his goal of homeownership.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.