Being a stay-at-home parent can often be a thankless job.
From the moment you get up in the morning to the moment you go to bed, you’re either chasing after a child, preparing meals or doing some sort of household task — many of which involve scrubbing food particles off of a surface or item of clothing.
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And the worst part? At the end of the week, there’s no paycheck to look forward to.
That’s what inspired Amber Aubrey, a mom of two, to start charging her husband for the unpaid labor she performs around the house. She documented her decision in a hotly debated TikTok video that has since racked up over 4.2 million views.
"Ultimately, it does kind of make me the breadwinner in my household," Aubrey said in the video.
Why this stay-at-home mom wants a paycheck
The work stay-at-home parents do has real value — and researchers have actually put a price tag on it.
Beike Biotechnology found that stay-at-home parents of two children do about 200 combined hours of unpaid labor each month. The estimated cost? Between $4,000 and $5,200.
For Aubrey, charging her spouse for her stay-at-home duties boils down to feeling like she deserves financial recognition for the work she contributes. That’s why she bills her husband $2,700 a week for the work she does.
"If he wants to save money, he can help me do any of these tasks," she said.
Here’s a breakdown of Aubrey’s workload and the amount she charges:
- $20 per load of dishes (two to three times daily, five days a week)
- $140 for weekly laundry
- $120 for weekly bathroom cleaning
- $100 per floor cleaning (two to three times daily, five days a week)
- $800 weekly homeschool instruction for two kids
- $150 for weekly pickups and drop-offs
- $75 per weekly grocery run
- $50 for five weekly lunches and dinners
- $200 for weekly breastfeeding
- $50 weekly for sweeping
Many TikTok viewers were quick to applaud Aubrey for her bold stance.
"Know your worth, then add tax," wrote user K Briggs.
"I 100% support this," added another user named Niklovin. User Sharna Louise chimed in: "This is the best video I’ve seen on the internet; ever!"
Aubrey’s video even resonated with some male viewers. A TikTok user named gesseppiimuhseppe said, "Listen, as a guy, I’m here for this. I think most [of] these men need to be aware [of] how much their wives do."
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How couples can address “invisible labor”
Invisible labor is something stay-at-home parents take on regularly — and issues can arise when that work goes unacknowledged.
It’s not just the physical tasks that matter. There’s also the mental load — the planning, scheduling and decision-making that comes with managing a household and raising children.
Of course, not every household follows the traditional gender roles. But data from the University of Wisconsin-Madison finds that women still spend twice as many hours doing physical housework as their male partners.
Weight of the world
It doesn’t stop there. Allison Daminger, an assistant professor of sociology, found in her research that in 80% of opposite-sex couples, women shoulder most of the cognitive labor — things like managing family calendars, planning meals and checking on homework.
According to Bloomberg, economists at the Levy Economics Institute examined data in 2021 and found that for every $100 households spend on commodities, there’s about $65 worth of unpaid work involved — often done by the stay-at-home parent.
That same data set found that nearly 80% of all unpaid household work is done by women, with a total estimated value of $3.6 trillion annually.
That’s why couples need to have open discussions about how to financially support and recognize the stay-at-home role. That doesn’t have to mean every household needs to itemize tasks like Aubrey does.
But working partners should start by acknowledging the value their stay-at-home counterparts bring to the table. There are practical ways to make things more equitable.
For example, the working partner could contribute part to a spousal IRA to help the non-working partner save for retirement.
They should also consider the opportunity cost of a partner stepping away from their career. Resume gaps can add challenges when trying to re-enter the workforce and often lead to lower pay.
For couples with one stay-at-home parent, open communication is key — and so is gratitude. Even if a weekly paycheck isn’t in the cards, a regular and sincere thank you can really go a long way.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
