While many people call into The Ramsey Show seeking advice on things like buying a home or getting out of debt, some people call in sharing situations that aren’t exactly standard personal finance topics.
Take Eden, for example. Eden, who lives in Missouri, called in seeking help on an alarming situation: “how do I stop my fiancée’s mother from stealing her student loans?”
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According to Eden, his fiancée’s mother has been managing her daughter’s finances for years. In fact, Eden’s fiancée’s student loans have been going directly into her mother’s checking account, and from there the mother has been transferring the student loan money into a savings account for her daughter.
But Eden’s fiancée doesn’t control this savings account, and can only view the account’s balance with permission from her mother.
“What in the Britney Spears conservatorship is going on here, dude?” asked host George Kamel. “Why does she have control of a grown woman’s finances?”
“Excellent question,” replied a frustrated Eden.
Eden’s fiancée had recently transferred from university to community coverage in order to complete her nursing program. And while the couple confirmed that Eden’s fiancée’s student loan payments were being sent to the university, the couple isn’t sure that the student loan funds are now making their way to the community college.
In fact, Eden says he and his fiancée noticed that money tends to go missing from time to time. “Her mom was actually taking little amounts,” said Eden.
Making matters worse, Eden’s future mother-in-law seems to dodge the question whenever he and his fiancée ask about the savings account. With this in mind, Kamel and co-host John Delony weighed in with what could be a hard truth for Eden’s fiancée to accept: this may not just be a case of an overbearing mother — it could be financial fraud.
“I would not get married until we solve this”
“She’s essentially committed identity theft and fraud,” said Kamel of Eden’s fiancée’s mother, assuming the accusations are true. And Delony agreed, calling the situation a “huge red flag.”
Kamel and Delony’s advice was blunt: Eden’s fiancée needs to take control of her finances immediately. That starts with freezing her credit report to prevent new loans from being taken out in her name, pulling her credit history to review all current debts, and contacting the community college to confirm whether student loan funds were actually paid toward tuition.
Without these steps, Eden’s fiancée risks being on the hook for thousands of dollars in student loans that weren’t applied to the cost of her tuition.
The hosts also pointed out how this dynamic could impact Eden’s marriage. As Delony warned, if Eden’s fiancée can’t stand up to her mother now, that lack of boundaries could spill into every aspect of Eden’s future with his fiancée, like raising kids and buying houses.
“It’s a big old red flag,” Kamel added. “I would not get married until we solve this.”
Kamel and Delony’s response touches on a broader issue that many people likely don’t recognize: familial financial abuse. According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases and can be hard to spot (2).
It often involves controlling a victim’s access to money, taking out loans in their name or closely monitoring spending. Even outside of physical abuse, this kind of control can trap someone by keeping them from building credit, saving money or making independent decisions.
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How to navigate financial control and protect your money
Whether the suspected perpetrator is a parent, a partner or another family member, losing control of your finances due to familial financial abuse can create lasting damage to both your mental health and finances. However, there are steps you can take to protect yourself or a loved one from financial manipulation or fraud.
Open accounts in your name only
If someone else is a custodian or co-owner on your bank account, they may have legal access to your funds. Open new checking and savings accounts in your name only and redirect all deposits to these accounts. You may also want to consider opening accounts with different banks to avoid confusion.
Monitor your credit and freeze it if necessary
A credit freeze stops anyone, including family, from opening new accounts or taking out loans in your name.
You can freeze your credit for free either online, over the phone or by mail. However, keep in mind that you’ll have to freeze your credit with all three credit bureaus — Experian, TransUnion and Equifax — in order to completely protect your credit. If you decide to take out a loan later, you can easily pause the freeze to do so.
Review your credit report
Check your credit reports at least once a year, or more if you suspect unauthorized activity. When checking your credit reports, look for unfamiliar accounts and incorrect balances that could indicate someone has opened credit in your name.
If you find anything suspicious, file a dispute immediately and report the issue to your bank, as well as the Federal Trade Commission.
Get professional help
If you discover that a family member is misusing your money, contact your bank’s fraud department or local law enforcement. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau also offers resources and complaint channels for financial abuse and identity theft.
Financial control may start out small — like a parent “helping” to manage your money, or a partner insisting on handling the shared bills — but it can quickly create a pattern of dependency and manipulation. If you think a family member is stealing your money or your identity to commit fraud, follow the steps outlined above to protect yourself.
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Article sources
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The Ramsey Show Highlights (1); National Network to End Domestic Violence (2)
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.