You love your children. After all, each of them is wonderful in their own way. You enjoy visiting each of them and watching as their lives unfold.
But let’s say you and your spouse, both 68 and retired, have started offering financial assistance to your adult daughter and her growing family. Only now, you’re wondering if that show of support could sow resentment in your son, who is single and lives on his own.
Don’t miss
- I’m 49 years old and have nothing saved for retirement — what should I do? Don’t panic. Here are 5 of the easiest ways you can catch up (and fast)
- Robert Kiyosaki warns of a ‘Greater Depression’ coming to the US — with millions of Americans going poor. But he says these 2 ‘easy-money’ assets will bring in ‘great wealth’. How to get in now
- Gain potential quarterly income through this $1B private real estate fund — even if you’re not a millionaire. Here’s how to get started with as little as $10
It’s a common scenario for many parents. In terms of gifts, you spend about three times more on your daughter and grandchild than on your son. Although he doesn’t need any financial support, as parents, you may feel the itch to make things fair.
The silent cost
Whenever you give your adult children gifts, it’s entirely up to you on how to divvy them up. There is no right or wrong way. But if you want to avoid potential resentment between the siblings, working to make things fair could help.
Even if your children don’t seem too bothered, their angst could be building beneath the surface.
According to a Multidisciplinary Digital Publishing Institute (MDPI) study, “children perceive it as fair when parents treat them equally to their siblings.” If things aren’t deemed equal, some children may take different approaches in rationalizing their feelings.
For example, one child might rationalize that the other needed more financial support than they did. Or they might think their parents got along better with their other siblings. Or they might allow feelings of perceived unfairness to fester into full-blown resentment, leading to family rifts down the road.
Of course, the reaction varies based on the child and the situation. It’s up to the parents to decide how they’d like to support their children, which might look different for each child. With enough foresight, parents can assuage these feelings by attempting to keep things fair.
Read more: Want an extra $1,300,000 when you retire? Dave Ramsey says this 7-step plan ‘works every single time’ to kill debt, get rich in America — and that ‘anyone’ can do it
It’s a balancing act
If you are concerned about your son getting the short end of the stick, consider a triage approach, and most importantly, communicate.
If you are simply concerned that you spend more on your daughter’s family during gift-giving seasons, then setting an equal budget for her family and your son could easily balance the scales.
If you are looking to the future, creative estate planning could help keep things fair. For example, you could leave a larger percentage of your assets to your son than your daughter, to offset any past imbalances.
One option is to build a hotchpot into your estate plans. Essentially, this estate planning tool takes financial gifts during your lifetime into account before dividing up your assets.
For example, if you gifted your daughter $10,000 to pay for your granddaughter’s education, this advance would be included in the hotchpot before any remaining assets are divided up. Meaning she would receive $10,000 less than your son.
Typically, this requires tracking large expenditures for your children. Before you start down this path, however, consider having an open and honest conversation with both your son and daughter. Make it clear that you are doing everything in your power to support them equally.
In terms of staying with your son for months out of the year, it might be fair to offer him some level of compensation for this generous gesture. But consider asking him if he’d like compensation during your stay. He might appreciate you picking up the increased utility bill or even a non-financial gesture, such as taking care of his pet while he’s at work or meeting with a handyman to resolve an issue without him having to take time off work.
Again, it’s critical to communicate your wishes with your children to keep things fair.
What to read next
- JPMorgan sees gold soaring to $6,000/ounce — use this 1 simple IRA trick to lock in those potential shiny gains (before it’s too late)
- This is how American car dealers use the ‘4-square method’ to make big profits off you — and how you can ensure you pay a fair price for all your vehicle costs
- Here are 5 ‘must have’ items that Americans (almost) always overpay for — and very quickly regret. How many are hurting you?
- How much cash do you plan to keep on hand after you retire? Here are 3 of the biggest reasons you’ll need a substantial stash of savings in retirement
Like what you read? Join 200,000+ readers and get the best of Moneywise straight to your inbox every week. Subscribe for free.
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
