Some couples handle their finances together, while others opt to split the responsibilities. If you have an unemployed spouse, they may have offered to take over some household responsibilities to free up your time.
And that could include managing your household’s finances.
That’s fine if your spouse stays on top of bills. But what if they go on a $40,000 spending spree, buying various luxury goods and racking up enough debt to max out your credit card?
It’s a troubling situation to end up in. It’s also a situation that needs to be addressed as soon as possible.
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When you fall victim to spousal identity theft
If your wife is an authorized user on your credit card and she maxes it out, she’s dealt a blow to both your trust and your marriage. But that’s not breaking the law.
It’s a different story, however, if your wife is not authorized to use your credit card. If her name isn’t on the account and she’s used your credit card behind your back, that’s illegal.
Your first step should be to open the lines of communication. Ask what happened and see if she’s willing to rectify the situation. It’s also important to get at least some of those charges reversed because a maxed-out credit card could harm your credit score. And a decline in your credit score could make it difficult to borrow money the next time you need to.
If your partner refuses to cooperate, and she’s not authorized to use your credit card, you can treat the situation as you would if a random person stole your credit card.
First, review your statements and identify the charges your wife made. Next, call your credit card issuer and speak to the fraud department. You can also dispute charges by logging into your credit card account online.
However, you need to act quickly. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau says you have 60 days to dispute a charge on a credit card.
In addition, you can freeze your credit in case your wife tries opening new accounts in your name. To do this, contact each of the three credit bureaus, Experian, Equifax or TransUnion and let them know you wish to freeze your credit.
You can always reverse the move later, if you need access to a loan or credit card. Still, freezing your credit may be the safest option.
Read more: I’m almost 50 and have nothing saved for retirement — what now? Don’t panic. These 6 easy steps can help you turn things around
Financial infidelity is a big problem
What the wife did could be considered criminal. At the very least, it’s a glaring form of financial infidelity.
According to the National Endowment for Financial Education, 43% of partners have committed financial infidelity. Among them, 9% have hidden major purchases from their significant other. Other types of financial infidelity include:
- Hiding money from a spouse or partner
- Hiding a bill from a spouse or partner
- Hiding a new bank account, credit card, or loan from a spouse or partner
- Lying to a spouse or partner about debt
Keeping it together
If you’re a victim of financial infidelity, there may be legal recourse. A spouse does not have the right to charge expenses on a credit card they’re not an authorized user on, or remove funds from a bank account on which they’re not a joint account holder.
However, in many cases, when financial infidelity occurs, there’s no legal recourse. What is broken in the relationship is trust. In the survey above, 16% of respondents said that financial infidelity led to divorce. For another 16%, it led to the separation of finances.
If your wife spent $40,000 behind your back, that’s an issue you must address. If she’s willing to own up to it and not to do it again, your relationship may be salvageable. But it pays to ensure it’s not a repeat offense.
You should helm the household finances and monitor your bank accounts regularly. Also, try to understand what compelled your wife to make those purchases so it doesn’t happen again. Perhaps it was boredom. In that case, encourage her to get a job so she’s not tempted to spend her hours shopping.
There is also the option to seek counseling to rebuild trust. It’s possible to recover from financial infidelity, as 16% of respondents said it allowed them to communicate with each other more effectively. Another 19% said it actually brought them together.
After racking up $40,000 in debt, you and your wife may need to put in the extra effort to get to that place.
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This article originally appeared on Moneywise.com under the title: My wife, who’s been managing our finances for us, secretly racked up $40K on my credit card — what can I do?
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.