It’s one thing to argue over money in marriage. It’s another to discover your in-laws are taking it from their own kids.
That’s the situation Cody from Nebraska recently found himself in. After two years of marriage, he and his wife learned that her parents had started asking their underage daughters for money to cover basic bills. Cody’s 10-year-old sister-in-law handed over $400 she’d earned from dog sitting so her parents could buy groceries, while her 17-year-old sister gave them $1,000.
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Cody told The Ramsey Show that his father-in-law’s business is failing and that the couple is about $10,000 short every month. He’s lost respect for them but also feels trapped. He’s heard Dave Ramsey warn against offering unsolicited help, but this situation feels different, especially with kids involved. Should he and his wife step in, or would that just make things worse?
Ramsey and co-host Dr. John Delony agreed that something had to be done, but warned Cody that stepping in too forcefully could alter his relationship with his in-laws for decades to come. Here’s what the hosts had to say, and how you can manage the sometimes awkward situation of helping family members who are struggling with money.
Ramsey warns: act carefully, or risk damaging the family for decades
After hearing the details, Dave Ramsey didn’t mince words about the seriousness of the situation, or the potential fallout if Cody handled it the wrong way. “If the two of you go over there at two years into this and insert yourself in this situation, you are changing the trajectory of the next 40 years,” Ramsey said, urging Cody to be cautious.
Dr. John Delony agreed the behavior was unacceptable but said the couple should focus on protecting the kids while avoiding direct confrontation. He suggested Cody’s wife take the lead by inviting her parents out for coffee and expressing concern, rather than anger. She could ask how bad things really are and whether they’d be open to support or education that could help.
Ramsey added that while the instinct to “fix it” is natural, handing over cash would only make matters worse. Instead, he encouraged the couple to offer to pay for a financial coach who could help the parents create a sustainable budget, and to make sure the younger sisters know they’re loved and safe whenever they’re at Cody’s home.
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How to help family members struggling with money
Financial strain among families isn’t rare and it often leads to situations like the one Cody described. A CreditCards.com poll found that 45% of parents have helped their adult children financially, and 79% said they used money that otherwise would have gone toward their own needs. On average, those parents gave their kids over $4,000 in assistance.
While Ramsey advised against loaning money, the instinct to help can be strong when you see family struggling. Still, financial rescue rarely fixes the real problem, and offering help in other ways can be far more impactful. Here’s how to support loved ones in crisis without putting your own finances or relationships at risk.
- Be realistic about your family member’s situation: As Ramsey pointed out, loaning the parents money wouldn’t help here, as Cody said they’re $10,000 short each month. It’s critical to have a clear head regarding your loved one’s behavior and your inability to fix it.
- Set clear boundaries: In many situations, loaning money to someone who is financially irresponsible doesn’t fix the problem and only makes your own finances worse. By avoiding offering a loan, you can break a cycle of dependency and potentially help prompt positive change.
- Have an open and honest money talk: While you typically shouldn’t offer financial help, you can and should try to talk to struggling loved ones who are asking you for money — or who you know are putting young children at risk by asking them for funds. Talking to them about their situation could help you get to the root of the money issues, so you could offer non-financial help if requested
- Bring in professionals: You can advise your loved ones who are struggling to get help from a financial advisor or other professional who can work with them to get their financial ducks in a row. You can also consider family therapy if your relationship has already been impacted by financial issues.
For Cody and his wife, the next step isn’t about fixing the problem, it’s about responding wisely. Ramsey and Delony urged them to protect the kids, stay calm, and lead with concern rather than cash. The same advice applies to anyone watching family members struggle: you can’t force change, but you can set boundaries, offer practical support, and avoid being pulled into financial chaos. That balance of empathy and discipline is what ultimately keeps everyone on steadier ground.
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Article sources
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The Ramsey Show Highlights (1); CreditCards.com (2)
This article originally appeared on Moneywise.com under the title: Nebraska man says in-laws took $400 from their 10-year-old. Dave Ramsey called it ‘disgusting’ and issued a warning
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