As you prepare for your first date, it’s easy to find yourself rehearsing the perfect small talk: The questions you’ll ask, the answers you’ll give and how to steer clear of awkward silences.
But beyond the usual first-date classics, like “What do you do for work?” or “Where did you grow up?” there’s one topic of conversation that might just send your date reaching for the check sooner than later: The money conversation.
While discussing money is important in any relationship, finance expert Ramit Sethi advises the first date might be a little too soon.
“Some people in the financial community encourage talking about money on the first date. I find that a little nerdy. Like who wants to be on a first date talking about your asset allocation? You know, it’s like, get a life,” Sethi told Moneywise in a recent interview ahead of the release of his new book, Money for Couples.
There are subtle ways to gauge your date’s relationship to their finances without diving into the topic directly.
Here’s how Sethi suggests approaching the conversation.
Talking dollars on a first date: Transparency or TMI
First dates are already filled with enough potential awkwardness — from nervously avoiding eye contact to forgetting basic table manners. Adding topics like salary, debt or finances into the mix might just guarantee there won’t be a second date.
A recent Ipsos poll conducted on behalf of BMO found that while there is an overwhelming belief that finances should be discussed somewhat early in a relationship (83%), two in five (41%) believe it should be happen when the relationship becomes official, while 31% think that these talks can wait until a couple is ready to move in together. This timing often coincides with the shift from the honeymoon phase to deciding whether the relationship has long-term potential.
“Sometimes I wonder if any of these folks have been on a first date,” Sethi said, emphasizing that money conversations don’t need to happen right away.
First dates are about sharing interests and exploring emotional compatibility, not creating a financial evaluation. Discussing money too soon can feel invasive or overly transactional, turning a potentially great connection into an uncomfortable encounter.
It’s a sensitive subject — one best saved for when trust and mutual understanding have had time to grow.
The subtle art of learning about money habits
However, Sethi doesn’t suggest avoiding money-related topics entirely when getting to know someone. Instead, he shares that there are simple, natural ways to learn about someone’s attitudes toward money without directly asking.
“When you’re getting to know somebody, obviously you’re curious. You ask them questions like where did you grow up? What did you guys do for fun as a family? Where did you go to school?,” Sethi said.
Understanding someone’s attitude toward money is crucial for many. A 2024 poll from Simplii Financial found that 94% of Canadians admit that it’s important to them that they and their spouse/partner are on the same page when it comes to their household’s finances.
When starting any conversation about an intimate topic like money, curiosity is the best guide. Listening closely for clues about how they describe their lifestyle — whether, say, they enjoy simple pleasures or lean towards indulgences — are windows into their financial mindset.
Ultimately, discussing finances is deeply personal and varies for each couple. Finding an approach that works for you and your partner is one of the best ways of aligning your financial goals and building a strong foundation together.
Sources
1. I Will Teach You to be Rich: Books
2. Ipsos: Relationship Wars: Spending a source of conflict for as many as one in three (32%) couples (Feb 9, 2024)
3. Ipsos: As Valentine’s Day approaches, four in ten (38%) say money is a major cause of stress in their relationship (Feb 12, 2024)
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
