When sharing a retirement together, there should be room for both personal and joint dreams. Eleanor, a 67-year-old new retiree, has jumped into her golden years with vigour. She has set her sights on specific goals, including a bucket list trip to South Africa, running a half marathon and writing a novel with the help of online English literature classes.
But when she looks at her husband, Dave, she feels a bit of the wind taken out of her sails. He retired last year. And as far as she can tell, hasn’t accomplished anything other than catching up on his rest and tackling a few minor house projects.
Eleanor feels that her vision of retirement doesn’t align with Dave’s vision. She wants a shared retirement vision with him, but she’s not sure how to get him on board. Can this couple get on the same page?
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Creating space for personal retirement dreams
While many couples agree to the specifics of retirement in advance, some don’t. Eleanor and Dave are a fictional case study, but their depicted situation can happen to anyone. For example, one study from Scotiabank (1) found that less than a quarter of respondents said they had a “thorough discussion” with their spouse about all aspects of retirement. Only 55% have a “rough idea” of their partner’s goals, while the rest responded that they don’t know at all or haven’t discussed it as much as they would like.
In the case of Eleanor and Dave, it’s likely that a cloudy vision for their retirement years also means some possible disagreements on their budget. After all, taking bucket list trips isn’t usually cheap.
Before jumping into a conversation about her husband’s retirement dreams, it’s helpful for Eleanor to nail down her own. While she’s shared some of her big dreams, getting specific on what her day-to-day retirement life will look like can come in handy.
After she figures out what the minutiae of her day-to-day life, she can broach the conversation with her husband. When having this discussion, it’s a good idea to come with an open mind. While she might have far-flung dreams that could take them around the world, Dave’s retirement goals might be a little bit closer to home.
If he’s not able to provide a clear vision for his retirement, consider finding ways to help him out of his comfort zone in a low-stakes environment. This might include:
- Signing up for a short class on a shared interest.
- Meeting friends for coffee or committing to a daily walk together.
- Planning a small weekend getaway to test the waters before a bigger trip.
Small experiments can make it easier to imagine bigger commitments and create more shared memories along the way.
Read more: Here are 5 expenses that Canadians (almost) always overpay for — and very quickly regret. How many are hurting you?
Finding purpose in retirement
Dave’s laid back approach to retirement is more common than you might think. Many people report deriving purpose from their job, so transitioning out of the working world can lead to feelings of aimlessness (2).
A lack of purpose after retirement can be difficult to contend with. This doesn’t mean retirees want to do nothing — it often means they haven’t yet figured out what feels meaningful outside of work. But the good news is that retirement can represent an opportunity to find a new sense of ambition and meaning.
And a supportive partner can provide the necessary budget to help their significant other find some drive in their golden years. After all, it often costs money to pursue new passions.
As Eleanor seeks to help Dave, she might start by asking questions that spark his creativity. She might uncover what Dave’s childhood interests were, which could rekindle into a genuine passion.
For example, if she discovers that he enjoyed taking a shop class in high school, she might sign the couple up for an evening class at a woodworking workshop. Or if he loves history, she might encourage him to order some interesting books and potentially help him map out a trip to see some of the sites that fascinate him most.
Helping Dave experiment in these areas not only gives him a sense of purpose, but also lets his plans fit more naturally alongside Eleanor’s. Together, they can balance personal passions with shared adventures, which keeps retirement exciting for them both.
Retirement doesn’t mean couples have to do the exact same things all the time. What matters is finding space for each partner’s goals while still making time for each other. By integrating her big dreams into the small steps that spark Dave’s interest, Eleanor can help build a retirement that feels good for them both.
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Article sources
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Scotiabank (1); Mass Mutual (2)
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.