Dave from Springfield, Illinois is only 21 years old, fresh out of college, debt-free, in a stable relationship and hustling through internships. He’s even considering proposing to his girlfriend to start a new family.
There’s just one pressing concern: his girlfriend’s enormous pile of debt. He estimates that her total outstanding balance is roughly $70,000.
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“Everytime I try to bring it up, she’s dismissive about it,” said the recent grad on an episode of The Ramsey Show. “I don’t really want to pay off her debt.”
Co-host John Delony’s response was as blunt as possible: “You should just break up with her, dude.”
Here’s why the show’s mental health expert made a snap judgement that the relationship is doomed already.
Not on the same page
Dave’s hesitation to marry someone with debt isn’t unusual. A 2024 survey by the Achieve Center for Consumer Insights found that 64% of U.S. adults wouldn’t want to date someone with a lot of debt. Even an outstanding balance of $10,000 or less would be enough for 29% of people to consider ending their relationship.
Put simply, debt is a deal-breaker for many adults. For Dave, his girlfriend’s attitude towards the enormous balance also represents how different their outlook on life and money is.
“She’s a little unmotivated like she isn’t really that ambitious,” he said, explaining that she hasn’t really looked for much work out of college while he’s been busy doing internships and building a career.
"I worked so hard to be debt-free and she just kind of took the short-cut and I don’t know, it just feels weird for me.”
A lack of shared money values once you’re in a relationship isn’t so common. Roughly 84% of American couples said they were financially compatible with their partner, according to a 2024 Ipsos poll, while 87% said they were comfortable talking to their partner about personal finances.
Delony suggests that Dave’s lack of shared money goals with his girlfriend foreshadows more disagreements in the future.
“Down the road, you’re going to run into, ‘Oh, I want to raise kids like this but this is how my dad did it’ or ‘I don’t want to live in this neighborhood or this house,’” he said. “If that’s your first impulse is ‘what about me?’ then you’re not ready to get married yet.”
Co-host Rachel Cruze agrees, calling his girlfriend’s perspective on debt a “red flag.” However, she encourages Dave to have a conversation to see if they can try to get on the same page before breaking up.
If you and your partner are struggling to find common ground, there are ways to resolve these types of differences.
Read more: Want an extra $1,300,000 when you retire? Dave Ramsey says this 7-step plan ‘works every single time’ to kill debt, get rich in America — and that ‘anyone’ can do it
Resolving differences
Money can be a tricky subject, but the majority of American adults (79%) think it’s best to talk about personal finances with their partner early in their relationship, according to the Ipsos poll. At the same time, the Achieve study found that 29% of adults said couples should discuss their debt honestly within the first six months of dating.
With this in mind, having an open and honest conversation about your personal finances and debt can set the stage for a healthy relationship. You could also consider raising the subject periodically and creating a household budget together so that you and your partner can match expectations and create clear boundaries for individual finances.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
