Dave Ramsey had some tough advice for a young man who recently asked for advice regarding his girlfriend who spends his money.
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Todd from Norfolk, Virginia called into the financial guru’s show and told him and co-host Rachel Cruze that he recently moved in with his girlfriend.
In spite of the fact that they both work, Todd had agreed to pay the rent, grocery bills and other necessary expenses while his girlfriend paid down her debt from student loans and a car.
Additionally, he also gave his girlfriend his credit card so that she could do the shopping for the couple. However, he told Ramsey and Cruze that his girlfriend spent $1,900 the last month and $1,700 the month before at stores like Target.
“I’ve noticed a lot of charges that I can’t keep up with. I’ve brought it to her attention and every time I do we get into a fight,” he told the hosts.
Ramsey was clear and direct with his advice: “Take the card back.”
Living costs in 2025
Todd did say that his girlfriend was spending money on items for their home. He said she’s not buying personal items like shoes and bags with his card. As they had recently moved in together, it’s expected that the costs may be high due to buying items to set up their household.
Furniture Bank reports that the cost for furnishing a one-bedroom apartment averages $8,353. Even if you spend only on items from IKEA, they report that this will cost at least $3,200. Moreover, food prices have also been rising and are up 2.2% in the last year.
In spite of these high costs, Todd and his girlfriend are only 23 years old, and they need to keep costs down and avoid expensive debt. They seem to be on different pages about how to budget for their new life, but it’s clear that this young man cannot afford to keep up with credit card payments of that size on his $60,000 salary.
Ramsey advised Todd to sit down with his girlfriend and simply say, “Hey, I made a mistake. I’m sorry. The mistake I made was I started treating the situation like we’re married financially, and we’re not. And so, we need to keep our money completely separate … If we want the relationship to go forward, we’ve got to start talking about how we can be on the same page about money. In the meantime, give me my card back.”
Advice to cohabiting couples
While living together without being married is increasingly common for couples in the U.S., the fact remains that a very young couple just starting out in a relationship are best advised to keep their finances separate until they figure out some shared values around money.
Ramsey and Cruze were very clear that this young couple needs to stop treating their relationship like a marriage.
“It can’t be that we’re sharing money and a bed when we’re not married,” Ramsey said.
Cruze also pointed out that money troubles are one of the top three predictors of divorce for married couples.
“This is a big red flag, Todd,” she said.
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In any cohabiting relationship, regardless of the age of the couple or how long they’ve been together, it’s important to create an open dialogue around money and establish some ground rules.
Look for your points of agreement and points of difference on a number of factors, including whether each of you is a spender or a saver, future-focused vs. here-and-now-focused, and inclined to follow a budget or impulsive spending. No matter where each of you falls on these spectrums, it’s most important to clearly see one another without judgement, and with the intention of finding common ground.
Once this has been established, you can talk about shared financial goals as a couple and how you will manage your money — separately, but together.
How to get financially ready for marriage
"You seem like such a level-headed, wise, smart young guy until we start talking about her," Ramsey said to Todd. “And then suddenly all of your common sense left.”
“I guess my problem is I see so many characteristics in her that are marriage material, and so I try to overlook this problem and try to compromise and make it work. But every time I say something, we get into an argument,” said Todd.
A persistent argument about money early in a relationship can be a strong sign that the partnership is not meant to last.
On his Facebook page Ramsey posted, “The number one cause of divorce in America is money fights and money problems. But here’s the truth: It’s not about how much money you have — it’s about how you handle it together.”
This claim seems to be backed up by research. One study from Kansas State University showed that couples who fight about money are more likely to divorce, regardless of how much money they make.
"Arguments about money [are] by far the top predictor of divorce. It’s not children, sex, in-laws or anything else. It’s money — for both men and women,” said Sonya Britt, assistant professor of family studies and human services and program director of personal financial planning at Kansas State University. "It’s not children, sex, in-laws or anything else. It’s money — for both men and women."
She recommends seeing a financial planner as part of premarital counseling.
If you and your partner are arguing regularly about money, be sure you take the problem seriously as a conflict of values is a threat to the overall health of the relationship. A relationship counselor can help mediate these arguments and get you facing the deeper issues that underlie your conflict.
In the meantime, Ramsey is clear about his belief that cohabiting couples should keep their finances totally separate: “You gave your roommate a credit card — and your roommate has a spending problem.”
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
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