Sometimes, we make silly decisions when it comes to family and money.
That’s what’s been happening with Shey, whose mom occasionally asks to borrow money, even though she earns more than her daughter and her husband, Arnold, combined.
Shey turned to The Ramsey Show for advice on how to help her mom learn to budget. Their response?
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“She’s not asking for budgeting help, is she? She’s asking for money,” co-host George Kamel said during a live version of the show on Sept. 30 in Chicago (1).
Shey says her mom asks to borrow money a couple of times a year, ranging from a few hundred dollars to a few thousand. She always pays the money back, usually quickly.
“So, you’re her payday lender essentially,” Kamel said.
The sandwich generation struggle
Gen X is often referred to as the sandwich generation because many are “sandwiched” between financially supporting their children and their aging parents.
More than half (56%) of Gen Xers said they were financially supporting their parents or their kids, according to a 2024 study by Nationwide (2). Among them, about a fifth (21%) had racked up significant debt taking on this responsibility. It’s also hindering their ability to save for retirement.
Millennials have a longer window to save for retirement, but they too are facing the challenge of potentially supporting their aging parents.
Add rising costs, inflation, wage stagnation and an uncertain economic outlook into the mix, and this is putting enormous financial pressure on all generations. For Gen X and millennials who are financially supporting their aging parents, they have less to put aside for their own financial goals at a time when they’re already financially squeezed.
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Co-host Ken Coleman sympathized with Shey and Arnold.
“You’re getting to that age, and I’m really at that age, where you become the parent, and the parent becomes the child,” he said. “And this is causing strife for you.”
Setting financial boundaries
While Shey’s mom doesn’t borrow money all that often, the lending dynamic between them puts stress on their relationship, especially because of their disparity in income.
But while the mother’s behavior may be rooted in a mishandling of funds, if there’s one side displaying “idiotic behavior” it’s Shey, according to Coleman.
“She’s broken. You’re not broken” he said. “She’s going to have to hit rock bottom financially — I hate to say this — for you to be able to get through to her.”
Shey needs to explain to her mother that she wants to be her daughter, not her lender, and she needs to put an end to this pattern. She also should be prepared for pushback after putting her foot down (with kindness and compassion, of course).
It’s important to make sure you can meet your own financial needs and goals, whether that’s paying for groceries or saving for retirement, when considering whether or not to loan money. Do you have the money and can you afford to part with it — particularly if there’s a chance you won’t get it back?
If you’re willing and able to lend money, make clear your financial boundaries, including how much you can help without putting your own financial needs at risk. Put the terms of your friend or family loan in writing, if you feel it will help. And if you can’t help financially, there may be other ways you can help, such as exploring debt relief options.
“The question I’d ask is ‘Am I enabling misbehavior or am I helping someone who’s hurting right now?’ And there’s a big difference,” Kamel said. “Clearly, this is a long pattern of misbehavior on mom’s part.”
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The Ramsey Show Highlights (1); Nationwide (2)
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.